The Revolutions Were Televised, and They Were Really Good!

Listen to me, lovers.

I don’t know what else to say about the last twenty-four hours of showbiz that has transpired around FozBlog, other than woo hoooo! 

We know some talented folks.  Of course, Your Pals Foz the Hook are the best thing in the world at what they do, but it is a pretty small world.  Still, yes, FtH is riotous, thoughtful, sexy, tight as all get-out, and non-oppressive while still possessing an unspoken sexual power that is fascinating to all genders and species.

That’s not the point.  Not right now, anyway.

Last night two of the funnier ladies and two of the better humans we know had some richly deserved good fortune come their way.  These are the kinds of things we wish would happen more often, but if they did we would all just hyperventilate until we passed out, and then get up again to hyperventilate some more.

Me.  I would giggle.  I would giggle like I am now until my brain exploded.

Maria plays Accordion.  You Don't, Probably.
Photo by Monte LaMonte

First, the Case of Maria Wojciechowski.   We met Maria a few years back when we shared a bill that Rich Zito put together.  Maria played ukulele before “adorkable” was even a word, and Zoe Deschanel was just a blank stare.  Maria went on to sing with FtH a time or two, subbed when the band was down and Foz was too lonesome and scared to sing all by his lonesome, and even participated in one (so she tells me) holiday pageant, Foz the Hook’s Summer Games.  I could swear she was on a Poison Valentine bill, but she assures me she was not.  Anyway, the point is that Maria is so cute, and so cheerful, and so Omni-talented that anybody would want to rush out and see her one-person show, Almost a Genius.  Cute title.  “Oh, Maria, you are a full genius, you cutie cutie pie!”

Suicide Jokes!  Try Yours Out Tonight!
Photo by Monte LaMonte.

So, imagine this bitter old drunkard’s pleasant surprise when I went to the Playground Theater last night to see Maria Wojo pop the lid off her inner-Strindberg, and light up the room with a jubilant inferno of bipolar tales, replete with adorable cries into the screaming void and quirky suicide confessions.  It is hard to say what to like best.  Certainly, the show is funny, but the tone is so darn chipper and the material is so darn terrifying and heartbreaking that I wanted to hate myself for laughing.  I guess that was not the point.  Ms. Wojo seems to have translated her bunny-demons into genuinely good art, and the point would seem to be that the audience might understand the functions of a crazy-crazy brain better for seeing this. 

This would be better and funnier for the audience than hating themselves.  See, never settle for the easy choice.

I cried a little.

Maria!  The August Strindberg of Adorkable!
Photo by Monte LaMonte.

So, to summarize Part One, go see Maria Wojciechowski’s wonderful one-woman show, Almost a Genius.  It is playing at the Playground Theater each Tuesday night through September.  I forgot the rest of the details, but you can find them here.  The show costs whatever, but pay her more than that.  She gives all the proceeds, after paying off the theater, to services for Bipolar folks or whatever.   Aaaaahhhhh.  That’s cute!

Second, the Case of Cameron Esposito.  Cameron is great.  I saw her do a one-woman show at The Playground about 18 months ago.    I won’t even go into it, since this blog has been the Cameron Esposito Fan Club since its inception.  It would normally be enough, from FtH’s point to view, to just include Cameron’s name and the word inception in the same sentence, and then call it a day.  However, as we discussed in yesterday’s post, last night Cameron celebrated the anniversary of her first year in Los Angeles by appearing on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, along with Ferguson’s other guest, Leno.

That's Cameron. Look!  That's Cameron Esposito!

  This was going to be a good thing in any case, but wow, did it ever become a good thing.  First, Cameron killed.  She murdered Messrs. Ferguson and Leno, along with The People of the World by charming them all with tales of coon skin hats and marriage and freedom for Americans.  Then, instead of just saying thank you and going away, she made these famous men invite her up to have a good talk about how great she was.  I’m not going to walk you through it.  You can watch it here after reading Marcus Gilmer’s short story in the Suntimes.

It occurred to me today - and this is why I can’t stop watching that video - that a little something awesome was described by this interaction.  It wasn’t that Craig Ferguson practically appointed Cameron the New Dictator of Late Night Comedy TV.  It wasn’t that Leno declared “You’re the future.  White Men are on the way out.  Lesbians Rule!”  These could have been jokes.  They were jokes.  These things are all in Cameron’s future, no doubt, but these were jokes.  The fun and awesome thing described was that these two famous old normal dudes saw such great material for jokes in celebrating the fact they aren’t the normal ones anymore.

Leno and Ferguson Give it Up for The New Normals!

Ferguson and Leno didn’t make some revolutionary declaration about a broad change in comedy.  That change is already is happening.  It is just that they are accustomed to standing in the spotlight and describing the world from their normal point of view.  You know, normal is what straight white dudes say is normal, so funny is what straight white dudes say is funny.  Last night these guys did not give Cameron the spotlight, like they were giving some nice gift to the nice lesbian lady.  They just sat back like two happy old fossils –Statler and Waldorf as Ferguson said – and watched the new version of normal, the new landmark from which to see funny, kill the room while they gleefully tossed peanuts from the gallery. 

I cried a little.

Lookout, Comedy!  There’s a new normal in town, and it wears a side mullet!

Congrats, Cameron!  Hope to see you again soon.

Finally, go to Cole's tonight.  FtH plays at 845, right before a maudlin piano-playing drunk reels through the bar begging everyone to listen to his stories of how he used to know Cameron and Maria!  We were like THIS!

Laughingstock Killed

Well, it has been two days since the Laughingstock Riot, which was one of the most riotous times in the history of this week.  We promised you that the show would be fantastic, didn’t we?  And it was.  Thousands laughed!  FtH played the Double Door!  Also, Drummer Patrick Stonehouse played the Double Door for the third time with three different bands.  That's historic too!  If you are counting, Jagger has only played the Double Door with one band, like Foz.

FtH Followed Krystal the Pistol!

It goes without saying that Your Old Pals, Foz the Hook provided the requested tight and rockin’ set, so let’s just assume that all that was as expected.  What was particularly awesome, though, was the fantastic house gear (drums, and especially keyboard), that sounded brilliant and eliminated all the load-in and load-out headaches.  Thank you, Jeff Strickland of Nashville, for the use of that hot 88-key baby. 

There were too many amazing acts to list more than a few, so I will only describe the ones I took pictures of, since for some reason, I thought they were important.

FtH followed Krystal "The pistol" LaFianza Pitzen to the stage, after she delivered one of her better flooz-fest performances.  Look for this lady on FtH bills for a long time.

Abbaria Accusation!

I thought Abbaria would be good because of Maria Wojciechowski, a long time friend of this blog, but here is a picture of them slaughtering the downstairs room, as Maria plays toy xylophone and Abby Vatterott points accusingly at me.  Maria’s one-woman show, Almost a Genius, debuts at the The Playground Theater on September 3, so you should go to that.

Paul Thomas

Paul Thomas is a large man with a spine-cracking voice – a pillar of our previously mentioned friends Lola Balatro.  Here is Paul headlining the downstairs room.  Few people can really fill up a room as a solo acoustic act.  Few acoustic acts can headline a seven-hour, two-stage music festival.  Paul did.

Oh, and then there was my immediate and unstoppable new stage crush, my new world favorite (caped) performer, New York’s Killy Mockstar Dwyer.  Imagine a show where… no wait…  What if you crossed Laurie Anderson with… No, that’s no good either…  If Sinead O’Connor were less sad and less bald and less Irish… What if Lady Gaga was actually a feminist?… No, that isn’t going to get us anywhere.  Imagine a performer who looked like the woman in this picture, and who played songs like those on this album, including, but not limited to, a song called God Wants You to Cum.  Yeh, you would have a stage crush too.

Killy Mockstar Dwyer

Hooray for Laughingstock!  It was huge fun this year.  I can’t wait until next year.  Also, I hope that all sorts of music and comedy acts that didn’t know each other before get together and do amazing shows this year. 

The Heroes of Summer

Soon the summer Olympics will be drawing to a close.  It is time for us to recognize some of the great and talented people who have made these games an affair to remember.

Remember all those gold medals in swimming?

Remember when Robocop won the right to sprint with all the human athletes?

Remember when that one kid wouldn't fix her pony tail, and in spite of all the gentle - and totally appropriate - reminders to fix her pony tail she didn't fix her pony tail?  I think she had her gold medal taken away, didn't she?  I don't know for sure.  I've been pretty drunk these past two weeks, but when I hear tell of an innocent little kid who won't fix her pony tail and they take away her gold medal and send her to RUSSIA I get pretty mad.  And when I get pretty mad I drink even more.

Do you remember when Foz the Hook hosted Foz the Hook's Summer Games at Cole's last Wednesday night?  Do you remember that?  It was awesome, and even more American heroes were born.

Jason Earl Folks won the Gold Medal in the Haggis Toss.  Rachel Ortiz led the American squad onto the field astride a dressage unicorn while bagpiping The Haggis March by Robert Burns.  Krystal LaFianza-Pitzen achieved the world record for the fastest rendition of Cole Porter's It's Too Darn Hot played by a band that is playing twice as slow as they are supposed to.  Maria Wojciechowski sang Gershwin's Summertime so beautifully that she received a marriage proposal from North Korean strongman Kim Jong Un (and he's a newlywed himself)!  Do you remember when the Kates-Caits sang Chris Isaak's Wicked Games so beautifully that we all had to stop and have a good cry?

Do you remember Meredith Kachel's magnificent poster that she made just for the event?  Probably not.  Due to technical problems in transmission this is the first time I am showing it to you.

It is so beautiful, I had to sit down and have a good old cry.

Thank you, Meredith!  Even though the poster wasn't part of the actual show we are all thrilled and proud to have it.  All of the cast members will get their own copy (even Kate from the Caits, who didn't quite fit in.)

If there is anybody who wants amazing drawings made by a funny lady who is Old Foz's good pal, contact Meredith Kachel.

We shall work together again sooner than you think.

Poison Valentines - Part Deux!

Good morning, my lovelorn cuties!

The day you have been waiting for has arrived!  Can you stand the anticipation?  Tonight is the night!  Tonight it is really going to happen for you!  It is your turn to shine, my little heartbroken lonely-hearts. 

Are you going to meet someone special at Cole’s tonight?  Make that connection you have been craving?  Find that spark that brings light to your life?

Of course not.

Something much better will happen.  You will see Foz the Hook’s Poison Valentines Pageant!  It is the long-anticipated bombshell song-and-dance (no dancing) extravaganza that will jump-start your aching hearts, and then leave you awash in disgrace and self-recrimination. 

She left you?  Yeh, it’s probably because you’re a loser.  You’re the one who had to spend the rent money on Madden ’12, and she wasn’t some kind of video game dork-loving Lana Del Rey either (More on that in a later post). 

He had sex with you on the first date and never called again?  You told your little “joke” about having daddy issues, didn’t you?  Yep.  No use over-analyzing it.  You can’t take that one back.

That is why Foz the Hook created the Poison Valentine Pageant, and invited all of your best comedy friends to play along.

See Wild Bill Bullock, the Sax Man of Notre Dame.  His smoldering alto lines will drive you wild!

See The Duchess, Krystal Lafianza Pitzen, whose Booze-Flooze act stole your heart last Christmas!

See Rachel Taylor, The Audrey Hepburn of haggis chefs!

See Natalie Jose, the Patsy Cline of Patsy Cline tribute bands!  Her sizzling sideways glance will pitch you into cataracts of woozy wishings.  Wishings that, lets face it, will remain just that.  Come on.  Her and you?  She’s a classy lady, Cole’s.

Maria*.

So, meet us at Cole’s tonight at 9:00, order up a double anesthetic from Coleman Brice at the bar, and join Your Pals FtH, for the Poison Valentines Pageant!  See you there!

Maria Wojciechowski broke up with you, Cole’s.  She found a paying job in the suburbs, and will be giving her new sugar-room all sorts of her hilarious sweet stuff while you’re stuck in Logan Square with the likes of us.   Why do I have to be the one to tell you these things, Cole’s?  You’re a FREE show.  How did you ever get it through your numb skull that you could attract and hold on to a beautiful woman like Maria Wojo.  What is it with you, anyway?

Scary Dreams

I had a scary dream last night where Javier Bardem wanted me to stand still while he knocked me in the head with a pneumatic hammer. I asked if it would result in my death. He said I should stop being such a dick, and hold still because "it would be cool." Then he wanted to flip a coin, and that sounded fair enough, so I said "ok."

I don't know who won.

No, I do! FtH wins, because tonight our friends Andy Oloffson and Maria Wojciechowski have agreed to return to Cole's stage for another feature performance! We worked out some new tunes at practice this week, and it sounded surprisingly good.

You know where this is leading. Meet us at Cole's tonight at 9:00 as we get the room ready for Cole's Comedy Open mic. Cameron Esposito and-or Adam Burke will be there to host, and the room will be filled with the funniest comics The List can hold.

A Little Help From our Friends

Olde Leon "Stinkeye" Strokes has been gone to California for less than a week, so we're still in a little bit of withdrawal. Fortunately for Coles', FtH will not be missing a beat, due to a helping hand from a couple of good friends.

Andy Oloffson, who has been spotted playing Fender Rhodes for The Sweats, will be handling bass duties tonight, and we are thrilled to welcome him to the stage.

Also, you know how I promised you a beautiful and talented special guest for tonight's show? It's not Andy. He's a heck of a player, but he's also a dude. No! Meet your special guest for tonight! Returning to the FtH bill for the first time in a year! Come on out to Cole's to hear FtH with Maria Wojciechowski! (That's pronounced "Wojciechowski"). Here is a picture of Maria that I found on her Facebook page. Quite a looker, eh? But, she also plays Ukulele, Accordian, Kazoo, singing, dancing, song writing, and dressing up like a ghost.

We promise much, but we always deliver. Don't we?

Get to Coles' tonight at 9:00! I don't care if you have Doug Stanhope tickets! Come and see FtH instead. Like I sez - we start at 9:00; the hosts get your juices flowing at 9:30; and a hot list of cool comics will make you scream ALL... NIGHT... LONG.

Closing Time for Olde Leon

As a few of you may know by now, Your Pals and New Favorite Band, FtH, will be experiencing dreaded, dreaded change in a couple of weeks.

Olde Leon “Cuttlefish-Starfish-Anglefish-Catfish-Dogfish-Lungfish” Strokes will be pulling up stakes and heading for the gold fields of California. Olde Leon, a student of history and a man of Letters, has carefully studied the lessons of The Donner Party and determined not to leave too close to Winter, and risk getting stuck in the snow and eaten by wolves or neighbors.

Why would he do this to his fans and bandmates? For the same reason, the only reason, any of the blighted souls who haunt Cole’s on Wednesday night leaves our little comedy cult-house. He fell in love and is getting a life.

I’m just sick about it, so if you want any of the adorable details (ladies), you’ll have to pin Leon in a corner tonight and demand it. Olde Foz will be at the bar drinking away my sorrows and scheming about luring some lovely pierced-and-tattooed hipster lady-bassist onto the stage. Maybe one of those willowy cello players you see going in and out of The Whistler, carrying an instrument that is clearly too big for their pale and petit frames? Yes, that would be nice too.

So, my Darlings, look for a few changes in the lineup this Fall. Don’t be surprised if you see some big talents and pretty faces subbing-in during October – Maybe Maria Wojo…. or Marilyn Summers? Who knows?

If you want to see FtH with our current lineup one more time, you will have to come out to Cole's Comedy Open Mic this month!

In the meantime, buy Foz a drink(s). He’ll be needing it.

Congrats to Leon! It couldn’t happen to a nicer fellow!

Dream Granny

You already know about tonight’s Foz the Hook Freakshowcase. It starts at 9:00, it is at Cole’s, which is at 2338 N. Milwaukee Avenue in America, Maria Wojciechowski plays hilarious music, Jason Earl Folks tells great jokes, Mark Rector tells a fantastic ghost story, and You Pals, FtH rock your blocks off funnily.

That’s not what we are talking about right now. You see, I had another dream.

I was preparing to go to a funeral in Springfield, and I had rented a really swell car. Initially I was pretty put-out because it looked like I was going to have to drive a bunch of people I did not know, which would kill the buzz of having a swell car, because, you know, they were all going to a funeral.

It is like when you have to drive to the office picnic, and that weird guy from accounting wants to ride along, even though you were hoping the slutty girl from marketing or the H.R. lady who is always having office affairs would be in your car. And then you can’t even drink, because you are driving.

Yeh, it was like that.

So finally everything is ready and we leave for Springfield. Dad is driving and I am sitting in the passenger seat. No one else is driving with us. Dad drives like a maniac, and since we are driving through Illinois, there are tons of huge mountains with narrow roads and switchback curves. I told Dad that I had made this drive before, and I would be happy to drive. He said he was doing fine. He was doing fine. He was also doing about 95.

Here comes the only “psychological” part of the dream. Even though Dad was driving like a maniac, I felt totally safe, because I was riding with Dad. Thanks Dad!

Anyway, we got to Springfield, which was a small Baptist church in the middle of Kansas with wheat and sunflowers everywhere. When we pulled up and parked in the gravel parking lot, NPR was just finishing a story on the radio, and for transitional music for the next story they played a song called Sound Chaser by the 1970’s prog rock band, Yes. They played the whole 9 minute song. This might have been the most impressive part of my dream: during my dream last night I listened to Sound Chaser all the way through, with all the parts and changes and breakdowns. Nothing weird happened (so to speak). I just sat in the car listening to the song, and really enjoying myself.

Then it was time to go see Granny. Granny wasn’t dead. Someone else was dead. Granny was sitting in the undercroft of the church sipping tea. I asked her how her “outsider art” project was going, and she said she had thrown the whole thing out because it was so Goddamn derivative of 1960’s hippie bullshit, and she was sick of all the hipsters and hangers-on bothering her. She was still confident that she could cough something up before the deadline though.

Now it was time to see the dead guy. We went into the chapel and the coffin was up by the alter, of course. There was reedy organ music, actually a bandoneon, playing in the background.

Here comes the part you have been waiting for, the musical set up of the church.

The bandoneon player lay on his back on an organ bench, playing the squeeze box up in front of his chest. On his chest sat a decorative kind of brace. There was another brace on his legs, and sitting on top of the braces, the coffin. So you would walk up to the coffin (closed) to pay respects, and down below your waist, beneath the decedent’s head, was this old guy playing a squeeze box. You would walk up to the dead guy, and there’s this old dude down by your belt buckle saying “Hi. How ya doin’?” I wanted to ask him about the coffin sitting on his chest. Was it heavy? Did he do this often? Was he the regular bandoneon guy for this church? But you can’t ask those sorts of questions at a funeral.

You have to be respectful.

OK, see you at Cole’s later. Buy me a drink. Bring a psychologist.

Love you, Granny.

A Major Re-Tooling!

First, a big hat tip to Caitlin Brice of The Splendid Ape for another great video referral.

Now, my darlings, a word or two about the (donkey) jaw-dropping show you saw at Cole's last night. We promised you much, and we delivered. Didn't we? Sure, we all missed Leon "Tigerfish" Strokes and his big-ass bass parts - Old Leon was debuting his other new band "Super Fortress" over at Quenchers - but Miss Maria Wojciechowski jumped right in with her tenor ukulele and angel harmonies, and Your Pals managed to burn down the room anyway.



I mean, "wow!" Is that what you're thinking too? I believe it is. Wow! That was really great. And Patrick's percussion parts on washboard and donkey jaw provided the perfect backup to the uke-duo of Foz and Maria Wojciechowski.

So this morning I announce a major re-tooling of the band. No, Maria Wojciechowski is not replacing Old Foz (that was just a sweet dream you had). She is off to create her own amazing act which will be featured on the November Freakshowcase. The major re-tooling is that FtH is going to change to an 80's Post-ABBA Finnish pop band format. Check out our first video above. Let me know what you think as long as you think it's awesome.

Thanks again Caitlin, for the inspiration.

And everybody else, give it up for Maria Wojciechowski who helped FtH blow-up Cole's last night. We should do that again sometime because it was fun.