Poison Valentines - Part Deux!

Good morning, my lovelorn cuties!

The day you have been waiting for has arrived!  Can you stand the anticipation?  Tonight is the night!  Tonight it is really going to happen for you!  It is your turn to shine, my little heartbroken lonely-hearts. 

Are you going to meet someone special at Cole’s tonight?  Make that connection you have been craving?  Find that spark that brings light to your life?

Of course not.

Something much better will happen.  You will see Foz the Hook’s Poison Valentines Pageant!  It is the long-anticipated bombshell song-and-dance (no dancing) extravaganza that will jump-start your aching hearts, and then leave you awash in disgrace and self-recrimination. 

She left you?  Yeh, it’s probably because you’re a loser.  You’re the one who had to spend the rent money on Madden ’12, and she wasn’t some kind of video game dork-loving Lana Del Rey either (More on that in a later post). 

He had sex with you on the first date and never called again?  You told your little “joke” about having daddy issues, didn’t you?  Yep.  No use over-analyzing it.  You can’t take that one back.

That is why Foz the Hook created the Poison Valentine Pageant, and invited all of your best comedy friends to play along.

See Wild Bill Bullock, the Sax Man of Notre Dame.  His smoldering alto lines will drive you wild!

See The Duchess, Krystal Lafianza Pitzen, whose Booze-Flooze act stole your heart last Christmas!

See Rachel Taylor, The Audrey Hepburn of haggis chefs!

See Natalie Jose, the Patsy Cline of Patsy Cline tribute bands!  Her sizzling sideways glance will pitch you into cataracts of woozy wishings.  Wishings that, lets face it, will remain just that.  Come on.  Her and you?  She’s a classy lady, Cole’s.

Maria*.

So, meet us at Cole’s tonight at 9:00, order up a double anesthetic from Coleman Brice at the bar, and join Your Pals FtH, for the Poison Valentines Pageant!  See you there!

Maria Wojciechowski broke up with you, Cole’s.  She found a paying job in the suburbs, and will be giving her new sugar-room all sorts of her hilarious sweet stuff while you’re stuck in Logan Square with the likes of us.   Why do I have to be the one to tell you these things, Cole’s?  You’re a FREE show.  How did you ever get it through your numb skull that you could attract and hold on to a beautiful woman like Maria Wojo.  What is it with you, anyway?

Where Art Comes From

As you know, Your Pals in FtH are impresarios of the arts.  At various times we have represented local geniuses in the areas of photography, music, comedy, and international security consulting. 

Well, a few weeks ago Old Foz was warming up for a show with a little Martini (twist of course), and thinking about love, when it hit him that the thing we needed for the huge Foz the Hook’s Poison Valentines Pageant was a poster.  A poster!  Yes!  If we had a poster, people might know that we were doing a show.  Our poster could even tell them when and where the show might be, such as “at Coles,” or “Wednesday night, February 8, before Cole’s Comedy Open Mic,” or even list featured performers, like “Rachel Taylor, Bill Bullock, etc, etc.” 

All we needed was an artist with a hand for drawing to make the poster.  Rats!  Where on earth will we find an artist at Cole’s?

That’s when we found out about Meredith Kachel.

You know Meredith.  She made the award-winning* video to Cameron Esposito’s world famous Lesbian Person Rant.  (What do you mean “Which one?” , THIS ONE!).

Anyway, a drink or two later and Meredith was absolutely in to drawing a poster for the show.  I can’t show you the poster yet, but I will soon.  In the meantime I have included Meredith’s take on Alexander Gardner’s photograph of President Abraham Lincoln, taken in Washington, D.C., on 8 November, 1863 – commonly known as The Gettysburg Lincoln. 

Sweet, huh?

Anyway, tonight Meredith and I will talk about the hot new poster, and as soon as I see it, I will share it with you, Internet.

Where will Meredith and I be tonight?  Why, we’ll be with you, at Cole’s Comedy Open Mic with Cameron Esposito and Adam Burke and Foz the Hook, and You!  We play at 9:00, and the comics make jokes at 9:30.

* Meredith’s video won the Foz’s Favorite Video For the Time Being award for 2011.