Two Foz the Hook Shows.

Hey Chums.

Foz and the boys are playing two fantastic shows for you at Cole’s this weekend.

Sunday, February 28, 9:00 PM, at Cole’s, 2338 N. Milwaukee in Chicago.

Tomorrow night (Sunday) we will play our “Tennessee Williams” set as part of Dan John’s great open mic. This show will feature musical arrangements of a series of Tennessee Williams poems, mostly from Williams’ “Blue Mountain Ballads” collection. Foz the Hook will feature beautiful versions of “Heavenly Grass,” “Her Head on the Pillow,” and “Between a Bed and a Chair.” I have enjoyed these poems immensely since picking up a copy of “In the Winter of the Cities” a couple of years ago. It is nice to see other artists pitch in, and enjoy it as much as I do. Coleman Brice has also arranged a couple of titles, and he will play his material too.

Monday, March 1, 9:00 PM, at Cole’s, 2338 N. Milwaukee in Chicago.

Our regular first-Monday show gets rolling at 9:00. Come on in for all of your Foz favorites, including “With Drunk Astronauts,” “Cheese Jesus,” (see above) “Eat Egg,” and “Keep Your Nose Clean.” It’s going to be a huge love fest, meaning you love us. Be there! Buy us drinks. We'll be great.

Hummer Bites It

Since Foz the Hook will be performing at the Cole's Comedy Open Mic in about 3 hours it was not my intention to update the blog. But I have just learned through my contacts at cnn.com that General Motors is discontinuing the beloved Hummer. Given the nature of this publication - and especially the most recent posts - you might think that I was going to make some joke about flacid hummer performance, or perhaps repeat my tedious claim that "someday" I am going to stride confidently into a Hummer dealership shouting "I want a Hummer!" or "Give me a Hummer now! Please." Nor will I reference a recent post by suggesting that the Hummer's demise is the result of a massive C-Ring recall.

No. I shall remain quiet on these topics, and simply lean back and rub my belly with a quiet and satisfied moan.

See you tonight!

Three-fer

Hey, you drunkards! Foz the Hook plays three times this week. I don’t think that is what Coleman Brice had in mind when he established Cole’s. There are, I understand, other bands in Chicago, but we just love to play at Cole’s.

Tomorrow night you know the deal. You will come to Cole’s by about 8:00. At 8:30 you will sign up for the comedy open mic (provided you are funny). At 9:00 you will watch FtH warm up the room, and feel unexpected and shameful urges. Urges that will make you want to howl for more. At 9:30 the comics will begin to poke your brain pan, as you shriek in helpless fits of giggling. By the time you change underwear about midnight, your old pal Foz will be sitting at the end of the bar sipping a stout and enjoying the beauty of it all.

You are no doubt wondering when the fabled Tennessee Williams Thing will occur. Well, that is happening on Sunday night, February 28, as part of Dan John’s music open mic. There was a time when the Tennessee Williams Thing was developing into a big multi-media production, but that turned out to be hard. Now it’s just the “next album.” However, you can do worse than returning to Cole’s on Sunday night to check out the non-smartass element of FtH’s show. Who knows, you might like such arrangements as Heavenly Grass, Between a Bed and a Chair, Her Head on a Pillow, or Cabin – all simply beautiful poems that practically arrange themselves into very pretty songs. Cole will also pitch in at least two arrangements that he is contributing to the project.

Then – did you forget about it? – next Monday is the first Monday of the month, which means FtH will rock you to bed with our full set of shameful and disgraceful sounds. Do you remember With Drunk Astronauts? Do you remember Cheese Jesus? Do you remember Theme of the Guys From France? They will all be on the set list Monday night, so clear you calendar and be there.

Return to FozBlog for more, more, more.

Foz the Hook Enhances Your Pleasure.

We're all grown-ups here (If you're not, get the hell out of my yard, you no-good kids!). Foz knows that you like to enhance the pleasure of your experience insofar as you can. Foz also knows that there are various fun toys you can use to make your personal satisfaction more intense.

That's why Foz has made a number of improvements to FozBlog that will keep you coming back for more of our sweet-honied stuff.

First, at the left you will see a list of Allied artists, whose vigorous efforts bring me to howling fits of passionate laughter. Adam Burke and Cameron Esposito are chief among the comics that FozBlog wants you to follow. This is actually just because Adam and Cameron are the hosts of the Cole's Wednesday Open Mic. Many of the other regulars, such as Mo Welch, Ryan Walker, Kevin Hogan, or Natalie Jose are just as likely to bring you to comic climax.

Also available are several Bobby and the Chuxx related links which will provide you with hours of listening and reading pleasure. Note that the two latest Chuxx albums are always available to you as CD's or digital downloads from CD Baby. Chuxx songs are also available for purchase at I-Tunes. Sometimes you have to pay for love. You just do.

Also, for those who need visual stimulation to resolve their unfulfilled needs, I have created a video bar at the bottom of this page, and tuned it in to the best Funny or Die channel I ever heard of - Jeff Drake and Wendy Molyneaux's PuddingCanyon. Now you don't even need a TV. You can watch it at FozBlog.

Now that it seems we will be spending all of our time together, just take your shoes off and relax. Put those sleepy dogs up and let old Foz mix you a drink. Need a back rub? Old Foz gives good back rubs. I think you got a little something in your eye. Let me just get that for you.

(cue porn music)

Double Play - Double Door

If you wish to meet a piano player, ladies, there will be one at the Double Door tonight at 8 watching The Splendid Ape and Perseus Noble. That's right, Foz will be a abroad tonight, seeing some swell music.

Now, you know Perseus Noble from a previous post on this blog, but The Splendid Ape could use more attention. The Splendid Ape is a band featuring FtH's own Patrick Stonehouse, Cole's Coleman Brice, and the lovely Caitlin Brice. I have seen them at Cole's, where they rocked, but this is their first big-room gig.

I will take a closer look at the Double-Door and see if it is right for FtH. In any case we will have to finish recording the album (Gin-Soaked Yankee and Other Disgraces) before we start shopping the act to big rooms. But don't be surprised when I announce a big show at a big room like DD. We just need to convince some strippers to join the band. We do need a horn section.

Motor Botox

Is it Wednesday already? Am I back from Los Angeles already? Is there snow on the ground? Will the comics be complaining about stuff at Cole's tonight? Do I need a drink?

You know the answer: Yes, to all of the above!

Be at Cole's at 8:30 for the 9:00 show. Cameron Esposito and the comics will hit the stage at 9:30.

In other news:

Listen, old Foz knows how much his readers like their soft core porn, but you know you can't watch it at work because The Man will give you a hastle. That's why I am posting the attached picture of a pretty lady with totally nude hands.

You know what else is pretty about the lady? Her face. You see, the Good Lord cursed this lady with human facial features, but through the miracle of science she has corrected that problem to provide us with a fantastic "alone time" image. Think about it in bed later tonight boys. You'll thank me later!

Oh yes. While in Los Angeles I got together with my old bass playing pal, Jeff "thos. e." Drake. We decided to write and record a song, just because we could. Well, the first idea was a song called "Motor Botox," and since we didn't want to go to the effort of thinking of another idea, we just did that one. It was pretty funny, in a dark kind of way. A real successful effort. Maybe FtH will arrange it and play it for you at Cole's some time. Here's a sample from the verse:

Where's a needle when a girl needs it,
Where's a needle when a girl needs it,
Nothing more that a lady can do,
Now that she's twenty-two.

Back to work.

See you tonight. my pretties.

What a Hat.

And what a hat it was. Steve Martin was wearing a fashionable fedora as he perused your pal's Lincolnian wares today at the big 43rd California Antiquarian Book Fair. He didn't buy anything, so that is the end of the Steve Martin part of the story.

Except that Steve Martin just missed Bill O'Reilly, who kinda sorta told your good buddy Foz to get lost. Bill O'Reilly isn't as mean in real life as he seems to be on TV, but he is a bog-ole grouch. I didn't even ask him for an autograph. I REALLY didn't ask him for an autograph.

In better news, non celebs bought some stuff, so Foz is paying his way to L.A.

Last night your hero had a supper of yummy arugula and magnificently buttery buttered scallops at a steakhouse in the Death Star (see yesterday's post). Other diners were Hollywood X-Listers Brooke, Charlie, Tuc, Sergio, Wendy and Jeff.

Finally, her name is Kristen, I think. Last night after eating scallops I stopped at the super-expensive fancy-pants hotel bar for a night cap (Foz drinks Manhattans, ladies). There was a fetching book girl there. I smiled and said hi. She looked through me with a boozy gaze, and turned back to frat boy, and started telling him about her job photographing expensive books. He said that he only read Kindles, but was about to take a year off and travel the globe. She said she liked Sweden. He repeated his devotion to Kindle, and bragged that he was about to take a year off and travel the globe. I didn't push it. If Kristen can't see my awesome suite through her boozy goggles, then she deserves overweight. blue-sweater wearing frat guys.

Today I strolled by Kristen's booth to show off my new suit. I don't think she recognized me. I didn't push it. Maybe I'll stroll by tomorrow? Who knows?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Till tomorrow, sayonara, cuties.

Pondering the Death Star

Well, you pack of degenerates, your Old Pal Foz is living it up in the land of movie stars and magic. Upon arriving in Los Angeles for the big book fair we discussed yesterday I found that the whole affair was far more fancy-pants than I had suspected.

This Hyatt Century Plaza thing is located across from a building known in the "business" as The Death Star. 2000 Avenue of the Stars is the home of a big talent agency called CAA or something, and according to inside picked-me-up-at-the-airport sources this hotel is the place where all the big stars have their meetings with their "people" and decide which "project"* to take next. Well, your pal's room (with a patio) looks right across the avenue to the Death Star. This morning I drank my coffee and read my fancy-pants "Los Angeles Times" on said patio while watching either major Hollywood stars or valets (can't tell for sure from here) go in and out of the building.

Now, it is my mission here to sell a bunch of Abraham Lincoln stuff to movie stars while I'm here, and since today is the 16th president's 201st birthday, I am sanguine of success. Getting to it now, but check in at FozBlog regularly. There will be much more fun.

* It is standard practice, when writing about Los Angeles and the entertainment industry, to place at least one work per sentence in quotes.

FozWest

Hey kiddos!

Foz flies today.

Your old pal, Foz, will be heading to Los Angeles for work at the 43rd LA Antiquarian Book Fair. While there he will check in with such hot celebs as Jeff "thos. e." Drake from Bobby and the Chuxx, Brooke "Brooke" Dillman of Larry the Cable Guy fame, and Brooke's college flame, Brad "Brangelina" Pitt, of Brangelina fame. Fozfans will remember that our bass player, Leon "Dogfish" Strokes, once lived in Springfield, Missouri, near Brad's hometown. Leon thinks he remembers getting into a fight with Brad Pitt at a ZZ Top concert in Branson, but it might just have been Billy Gibbons.

Anyway, Old Foz will do his best to keep Brangelina together (for the good of America), by hosting a Valentine's Day to-do at his suite in the Hyatt Century hotel. He will also impregnate Octomom (at the same affair), and try to close the deal to sign her 14 kids as Foz's horn section.

Last night at Cole's FtH burned the room down with a hauntingly beautiful 30-minute set, which featured the debut - at least in FtH's act - of the 1985 Chuxx hit Theme of the Guys From France. You could tell it was good by the confused and upset silence of the crowd. We challenged their value systems, which is always funny. Also, since it was the last open mic before Valentine's Day, Foz told a story about the time Cameron Esposito suggested a weird three-way sex act with Foz and an un-named co-conspirator. Nothing came of it. Nothing needed to. It was just a lovely and tender moment shared by a lesbian comic, a middle-aged perv, and about 80 audience members.

Good times.

See you later Gators!

Do it in the Nude*

Historians and music anthropologists agree that the greatest single session in the history of recording was the 1985 date in Leawood, Kansas that resulted in Bobby and the Chuxx recording Trouble at the Circus, Theme of the Guys From France, and Manhood is a Soup for the Back of a Man's Head album. The new FtH set opener, Keep Your Nose Clean, is also from that magnificent collection.

In honor of that occasion Foz the Hook has prepared Theme of the Guys From France for live performance, and will debut it tonight at Cole's Comedy Open Mic. This is the first time, so far as can be ascertained with available technology, that Theme of the Guys From France has been performed in Chicago, or outside of Leawood, Kansas. The show starts at 9:00, so if you like blogging or going to blogs, join us at Cole's just in time.


*Nine out of ten archeologists agree that this phrase is the only remaining evidence of the song Remember My Gas from the Chuxx debut album, Live at the Graveyard. Nine out of ten ethicists agree that this is a good thing for humankind.

On Babs

Yesterday FtH worked up a fabulous Disney song, which was once covered by Barbara "Babs" Streisand. Now there's a classy lady.

Without spilling to many beans let's just say that Wednesday's Comedy Open Mic at Cole's will be wonderfully enhanced by this inspiring tear-jerker.

In other news, the first attempt at 21st Century recording techniques generally sucked, but we shall try again tonight.

Finally, have you heard of "Twitter" ? It is a great way for Friends of Foz to follow Foz on the Facebooks or other Internet computers. Do it now.

The Facebooks are Here!

Check it out! Foz the Hook has a Facebook band page. Go be a fan. Get tweets! Be annoyed.

Foz Loves you. Only Foz loves you. Nobody else loves you the way Foz loves you! Foz loves you so wrong!

Eat Egg

Eat Egg appeared on the 2007 Bobby and the Chuxx release Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China.

This fact on its own is less compelling than the story of how Eat Egg played out at Foz the Hook's headliner last night at Cole's.

Sometime during the first set a woman, who shall be known henceforth as "Egg Lady" joined the somewhat sparse audience, and seemed to be enjoying the show. She periodically called out her wish to permitted to play guitar. This we did not permit, but otherwise expressed appreciation for Egg Lady's enthusiasm.

After we finished playing Mother Russia, Egg Lady called out a generous offer to give us and egg. Foz readily accepted the gratuity, which was delivered to the stage with the suggestion that I "throw it." Egg Lady did not expound on the "wheres" or "whys" of the suggestion, only assuring us that I should throw the egg. NOTE: If you had not already figured this out, Egg Lady brought a carton of eggs to the show. If you need to know why, prepare for disappointment. Anyway, sensing an opportunity for comedy, Foz quickly called for Eat Egg, and the band ripped right into it. The result was a fine rendition of the song, probably the best we'd ever done. I thought that Egg Lady wild find it hilarious that the band to which she offered and egg, actually had a song called Eat Egg that they could play on demand. Now it was my turn to be disappointed. Only the band found this amusing.

Then Egg Lady demanded that we play With Drunk Astronauts, a song she missed during the first set. Since she represented a significant fraction of the total audience, we consented to re-produce the song.

Later, after the show was over (even after Dan went home), two pool-players noticed the flyer hanging on the wall, and told Cole they were sorry they missed the show, because it looked fun. Cole mentioned that Foz and Patrick were still there, and they prevailed upon us for an encore, demanding our "funniest song." Given the great amount of practice we had, the chice was made to play With Drunk Astronauts again. And so we did.

This morning, on the Facebooks, I stumbled upon the greatest random egg link ever. Why did I only see this today? Is that just the way the world works? Watch this now http://www.iloveegg.co.uk/newsite/eggsong_popup.htm .

By the way, the rest of the show was great. Just great.

FtH will play at Cole's again tomorrow night as the warm up act for Cole's Comedy open mic. Come on out. We'll play Eat Egg!

Keep Your Nose Clean!

Foz the Hook returns to the stage at Cole’s tonight at 9:00.

Take heart! It’s not too late to show up, and stake out a good place. Cole’s is at 2338 N. Milwaukee in Logan Square.

Yesterday the band stunned the band leader again by learning a new song that they had never heard of ten minutes before. Keep Your Nose Clean was a smash hit back in ‘85 when it led off the Bobby and the Chuxx album, Back of a Man’s Head. It tells the story of “Gil Glade, gun for hire,” a tough-guy cop who talks big, but never actually arrests anybody. It also tells the story in 5/4 time, which is just funnier than other time signatures. So even if the audience doesn’t pick-up on thos. e.’s hilarious lyrics, they can still split their sides counting to 5 with the band.

There are plenty of other surprises planned for this evening, so be there.

Bring money. Cole doesn’t do this for his health, you know.