William Tells All!

You know that normally we talk about our shows before we perform them.  We do this because we know that you like to actually see us perform something instead of hearing the rumors later.

Last night, however, was different.  Because of the historic announcement that Your Pals in FtH had convinced President Barack Obama to state clearly his support for equal application of marriage laws to everybody – people keep calling it “Gay Marriage” for some reason, but the official title is Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States – we were not able to get a blog post out in time.

But last night turned out to be a terrific show, titled “Foz the Hook’s Gay Marriage Fantasy!”  We did mostly FtH love songs like My Kind of Mess and Gin-Soaked Yankee, but we also did a few bits about marriage equality and bits celebrating love in other ways. 

Here is Old Foz’s bit describing his broad-minded support of intimate personal kinks, which was, as usual, a thinly veiled attempt to pick-up some of the ladies in the back room (unsuccessful this time, but soon!).  

You know your old pal, Foz is a ladies man!
  

Sure, I believe in gay marriage and gay sex and lady sex and man sex and intense, upsetting, screaming, howling-at-the-moon, squatting naked in the corner and weeping over a broken bottle of whiskey sex.
 

So if any of you ladies has a William S. Burroughs kink, just give a tug on Old Foz's sleeve.  All we need is a bottle of gin, a fistful of amphetamines, an apple and a handgun!
 

I know how to show a lady a good time.

Foz also talked about some stuff that was more, you know, not-as-funny.  No need to go over that.

Anyway, my only point here is that because of our president’s support of marriage equality Foz the Hook was able to demonstrate that making a joke about famous beat author William S. Burroughs blowing his wife’s head off while playing drug-fueled William Tell games is not as good a pick-up line as you would have thought.

It’s that simple.

Listen, I can’t get you out to Cole’s last night, but maybe you will come by next week.  Could be fun.  Bring an apple.  Make a friend.

An Epoch of History

My Darling Swizzlestix,

I cannot meet you at Cole's next Wednesday because I will be in Tennessee. As some of you may already know Old Foz makes what bread he can break by historianing. When Foz was taking his graduate classes in historianing at Loyola University Chicago he worked during the summers as a National Park Service Ranger at the Shiloh National Military Park in Tennessee.

But you grow bored.

You see, Old Foz knows enough about the April 6-7, 1862 Civil War Battle of Shiloh that President Barack Obama* asked Foz to return to the National Military Park each year to tell people about the history of the Battle of Shiloh.

Here's the story in a nutshell, because I know how much Friends of Foz like their nutshells. The guy pictured above is General Albert Sidney Johnston of the Confederate Army. One day he found this tin cup, and he said, "Hey, is this anybody's tin cup? Cuz if it's not, I could use a good tin cup." And then all the guys said (they were Confederate guys), "Oh, oh! That's my cup!" and " I totally remember having that cup and then losing it." and "Give it to me! Give it to me!" And "Pass me one of them slaves, would ya." Well, they couldn't agree whose cup it was, and since the Confederate Army wasn't exactly some hippie commune where everybody shared everything, General Johnston just kept it for himself. And that's the story of the Battle of Shiloh.

Anyway, pretty ladies, if you're so put out that Foz the Hook won't be at Cole's next Wednesday, just join Old Foz in the Tennessee woods at Shiloh National Military Park, April 6-8, 2010. Shiloh isn't near anything, so I can't give you directions. Bring a sleeping bag. We can zip them up together.

*President Obama didn't do this.