Eugene: The Naked Face-Eating Zombie Dude

Since this post will be in part about naked face-eating zombie dudes I worked very hard to find the prettiest picture I could find of my old pal, Cameron Esposito (From the Feast of Fun website).

The rumors are true.  All of them.  I don't even know how it came to this, that we should have to talk about it.  FtH loves Cameron Esposito, our joke-telling pal.  Didn't you figure that out yet?

Yes, FtH and Cameron Esposito have a thing going on!  We play funny songs and then Cameron tells jokes.  We even do it right out in the open.  Sometimes it is so obvious, it is like we are right up on stage, right in front of everybody, telling jokes and singing songs.  Really, the embarrassment should be on your part, with all of your ingrained stereotypes and assumptions about Lady Comics and Comedy Bands.  Blame society if you must, but the truth remains - somebody needs to open up their mind to new types of people and lifestyles and orientations.  Some bands are - you know - funny.  Some comedians are even - you know - female.

Tonight Cameron Esposito is leaving us to go to California where nice people will welcome her and make her feel good.  There she will tell jokes.  Isn't that swell?  We'll miss her.  Join us tonight at Cole's to send Cameron away with class.  We will begin disgracing ourselves with maudlin caterwauling at 9:00, and Cameron will outclass the lot of us at 9:30.  After that it's your turn.

Speaking of class, the other rumor is true too.

We are naked face-eating zombies. What?  You couldn't tell?

My Synthesizer

I didn’t have a Mini Moog.  I had a Korg Micro Preset.  

It was a great little keyboard that I bought from The Dude Upstairs.  He sold it to me because he didn’t play keyboards.  He just bought it one day when he was high. 

Your Old Pal Foz was, what, eighteen at the time, and living here in Lawence, Kansas with Bobby Wendalo, lead guitarist for famed Chubb recording artists Bobby and the Chuxx. 

We used that Korg on a number of big hits we recorded in the 80’s, including 1984's Five Mile Hike and Welcome to the Happy Zone from the Nicaraguan Contra-inspired agitprop musical Cry Pepita, Cry! 

You no doubt noticed from the video that the Micro Preset has rich and beautiful tone that can be used for a number of great sounds.  I liked to use it for its ability to make the most annoying and weak sounds ever heard in pop music.  There was a sound like a person whistling it would do, and if you made a really soft attack it sounded like a little kid who just learned to whistle, but doesn’t quite have it.  That sound was specifically hilarious on Five Mile Hike. I must say, though, that the unconscionable screeching of that keyboard reached real genius in the cuts Eduardo (The Malefactor) and Eduardo (The Blaspheme) on the subsequent album, Time Slugs.

At some later date I didn’t have that thing any more.  Can’t imagine why.

We did finally borrow a Mini Moog, and it can be heard on Quincy is the Mosquito from the 2002 classic Waking President Wahid (Yes, buy it now).

See you tonight at Cole’s!  9:00 as usual!

William Tells All!

You know that normally we talk about our shows before we perform them.  We do this because we know that you like to actually see us perform something instead of hearing the rumors later.

Last night, however, was different.  Because of the historic announcement that Your Pals in FtH had convinced President Barack Obama to state clearly his support for equal application of marriage laws to everybody – people keep calling it “Gay Marriage” for some reason, but the official title is Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States – we were not able to get a blog post out in time.

But last night turned out to be a terrific show, titled “Foz the Hook’s Gay Marriage Fantasy!”  We did mostly FtH love songs like My Kind of Mess and Gin-Soaked Yankee, but we also did a few bits about marriage equality and bits celebrating love in other ways. 

Here is Old Foz’s bit describing his broad-minded support of intimate personal kinks, which was, as usual, a thinly veiled attempt to pick-up some of the ladies in the back room (unsuccessful this time, but soon!).  

You know your old pal, Foz is a ladies man!
  

Sure, I believe in gay marriage and gay sex and lady sex and man sex and intense, upsetting, screaming, howling-at-the-moon, squatting naked in the corner and weeping over a broken bottle of whiskey sex.
 

So if any of you ladies has a William S. Burroughs kink, just give a tug on Old Foz's sleeve.  All we need is a bottle of gin, a fistful of amphetamines, an apple and a handgun!
 

I know how to show a lady a good time.

Foz also talked about some stuff that was more, you know, not-as-funny.  No need to go over that.

Anyway, my only point here is that because of our president’s support of marriage equality Foz the Hook was able to demonstrate that making a joke about famous beat author William S. Burroughs blowing his wife’s head off while playing drug-fueled William Tell games is not as good a pick-up line as you would have thought.

It’s that simple.

Listen, I can’t get you out to Cole’s last night, but maybe you will come by next week.  Could be fun.  Bring an apple.  Make a friend.

About Tuxedos

Gents,

It’s time to talk about tuxedos.  We all need them sooner or later, either at your funeral or on tax day.

They look good, but no one seems to want to wear them, perhaps because of their association with death.  Look here how the great American champion of ambivalent indecision, Art Garfunkle,  ironically wore a tux t-shirt when meeting with Death at a swanky Hollywood tete’ du thing.  Art’s continued presence with us tells us that the Grim Reaper was not impressed with Art’s smarmy tuxing.

Here we see a better use of a tuxedo as an entry drug to cigarettes.  With any luck this kid will graduate to leadership of a new-era Kuomintang in New York City.  We can only hope.

It is also possible that men don’t wear tuxes because they associate them with ugliness and deformity.  Forgive me, but for the sake of science I must post this picture of an unfortunate deformed circus freak who has clearly been dressed in a tux in an effort to exploit his malformed hideousness.  That’s just sick, but we live in a sick world gentlemen.

Speaking of circus freaks:

A few months ago Old Leon “Blob Fish” Strokes (AKA Dan Stone) was sprung from the carnival sideshow known as FtH by a beautiful lady.  She pried poor Dan from our evil clutches and took him off to San Francisco for whatever dastardly fate she had in store for him.  Today that bewitching beauty will shoehorn Dan into a tuxedo and marry him up good.  We don’t have a picture of Dan in his tuxedo (yet), so I have provided this speculative illustration of how Dan’s tux will look after he goes to bed tonight, and then for the rest of his life – until the undertaker puts it on him when the Great Reckoning of Tax Day arrives.

Hey Dan!  Hey Suze!  Congratulations on your wedding day!  Please accept, on behalf of Your Olde Pals, FtH,  our wishes for many years of boozy happiness.  It couldn’t have happened to better people!

Love,

FtH

PS:  The Chicago reception for Dan and Suze will be at Cole's tonight at 9:00, and will look surprisingly like an open mic.  Be there, and since you can't buy Dan and Suze drinks, buy Foz and the Boys drinks.