About Tuxedos

Gents,

It’s time to talk about tuxedos.  We all need them sooner or later, either at your funeral or on tax day.

They look good, but no one seems to want to wear them, perhaps because of their association with death.  Look here how the great American champion of ambivalent indecision, Art Garfunkle,  ironically wore a tux t-shirt when meeting with Death at a swanky Hollywood tete’ du thing.  Art’s continued presence with us tells us that the Grim Reaper was not impressed with Art’s smarmy tuxing.

Here we see a better use of a tuxedo as an entry drug to cigarettes.  With any luck this kid will graduate to leadership of a new-era Kuomintang in New York City.  We can only hope.

It is also possible that men don’t wear tuxes because they associate them with ugliness and deformity.  Forgive me, but for the sake of science I must post this picture of an unfortunate deformed circus freak who has clearly been dressed in a tux in an effort to exploit his malformed hideousness.  That’s just sick, but we live in a sick world gentlemen.

Speaking of circus freaks:

A few months ago Old Leon “Blob Fish” Strokes (AKA Dan Stone) was sprung from the carnival sideshow known as FtH by a beautiful lady.  She pried poor Dan from our evil clutches and took him off to San Francisco for whatever dastardly fate she had in store for him.  Today that bewitching beauty will shoehorn Dan into a tuxedo and marry him up good.  We don’t have a picture of Dan in his tuxedo (yet), so I have provided this speculative illustration of how Dan’s tux will look after he goes to bed tonight, and then for the rest of his life – until the undertaker puts it on him when the Great Reckoning of Tax Day arrives.

Hey Dan!  Hey Suze!  Congratulations on your wedding day!  Please accept, on behalf of Your Olde Pals, FtH,  our wishes for many years of boozy happiness.  It couldn’t have happened to better people!

Love,

FtH

PS:  The Chicago reception for Dan and Suze will be at Cole's tonight at 9:00, and will look surprisingly like an open mic.  Be there, and since you can't buy Dan and Suze drinks, buy Foz and the Boys drinks.