Casino Kit

One time I won a free vacation cruise to Alaska. I really did.

Never mind that.

I was drinking at the all night cruise ship bar when I heard a "code blue" sounded over the ship's emergency announcement thingy. There was a medical emergency in the casino.

I asked the bartender about it (he was Brazilian) and he said, "oh yes, we lose one every trip it seems. You see, the old people come on the cruise, they drink, they gamble and they don't take their pills. I guess they think they're also on vacation from their meds."

Nice. I guess you didn't need to know that the bartender was Brazilian to get that. Does that make me a racist against Brazilians? Yes! Those Ass-wiggling Samba-Freaks can get their feathered butts back to Rio and leave bartending to the Jamaicans as far as I'm concerned! (Which is not to say that I think Jamaicans are only fit to make rum-based cocktails. They're great with Vodka too - and Reggae).

Anyway, I knew that someday I would write a song called "The Ballad of Casino Kit," about a blue-haired lady who goes on a cruise to play the slots and take a break from her blood pressure medicine, and she DIES. And that day was right then and there at the bar with the Brazilian bartender while the lady I was writing about was most-likely fighting for her life on the floor (deck?) of the casino.*

But it did take several years (10 maybe) for me to teach the song to Leon and Patrick, so that you could hear it debuted tonight at Cole's Comedy Open Mic at 9:00. Will you miss this? No! Will you miss Cameron Esposito hosting? No! Will you miss Foz's new friend Alicia Eler as she hopefully sings her now famous song about breaking up with a fake lesbian? You better not! Be there.

By the way, I admit I did mention Brazil, which makes the illustration above pretty much obligatory.

* Good news. It was a guy who died, and it turned out he fell over drunk in the bathroom (of the casino) and hit his head on the sink. So I'm not as bad as you or I think I am.