Get Blacked Out This Saturday!

After a two-month hiatus The Blackout Diaries  is returning, but it has a new home.  The previous monthly Beat Kitchen mainstay has moved north to The Lincoln Lodge, and has picked up the most awesomely horrible sponsor one can imagine, that pride of Chicago liquors, Malort! 

Wait!  Did I say awesomely horrible?  I meant awesomely awesome!  Mmmm mmm.  You can really taste the wormwood!

Blackout Diaries is, as you know, Chicago’s finest catalog of shameful boozy behavior, where real people tell the real stories of things that aught never to have happened.  This coming Saturday night, January 5, at 8:00 PM, you can meet Blackout King, Sean Flannery hosting a host of comics and humans who spill their guts and unburden their spirits to you, the viewing public.

It’s a public humiliation for your benefit.

 

Colonel Foz will be there with a little something old and a little something new in the way of great old songs of debauch – if he can remember them.

So come out to The Blackout Diaries this Saturday night.

Buy your tickets from this guy.  Buy them now!

Then join us for shots of Malort and dry heaves!

The Lost Recordings Recorded

There has been an enormous amount of interest lately about the reappearance on the pop culture radar of the once-famous Country and Western star, Colonel Foz.  Colonel Foz, as you know, was world famous back in the 60’s and 70’s when he was touring with such international acts as George Jones, Tammy Wynette, Lynrd Skynrd, Gramm Parsons and Emmy Lou Harris, The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, The Sex Pistols, Frank Zappa, and Wayne Newton. 

He was also romantically attached to each of these great performers as well as Gretta Garbo, Mary Todd Lincoln (during her “crazy” years), Richard Nixon and Bond Villain Nick Nack.  Colonel Foz has lived long and seen it all, but unfortunately for audiences of the digital age, has yet to complete an album.

Like many great artists The Colonel can be a bit self-sabotaging, and the reason, as you well could guess, lies in The Bottle.  He has done some of his best work in there, but for obvious reasons, what is made in The Bottle, stays in The Bottle.  He occasionally disappears into a fog of sobriety, severely hampering his creative output.

Still, we here in Chicago are incredibly lucky because Our Hero, Sean Flannery recently discovered Colonel Foz while trying to retrieve keys from a urinal at The Beat Kitchen, rinsed him off, and brought him back into the limelight as the musical feature performer at The Blackout Diaries.  That, as you know, is the monthly pageant of dissipation occurring at the Beat Kitchen that was recently named by The Red Eye newspaper as, “The greatest thing ever, including monotheism!”

Read it for yourself.  Here it is:

After you read it, get your tickets to The Blackout Diaries, and then show up at the Beat Kitchen this Saturday night, September 29, at 9:00 for fun and booze.  It costs 10 bucks.  Don’t be cheap - go!

And when you see Colonel Foz, buy him a drink and seduce him.  It’s your best chance of becoming a Bond Villain!

Bitter Tears and Blackout Diaries!

Well, that was fun, but it was also sad.  Good ole Rhea Butcher did her swansong at Cole’s last night and everybody had a swell time. 

Rhea later told Foz that she’d never had a theme song before – FtH always played her up with a bad-and-wrong rendition of Henry Mancini's Peter Gunn Theme – and I must confess to tearing-up a bit at the knowledge that I had the privilege of playing such a solemn and pleasurable role in a young lady blooming from the innocent blush of girlhood to full womanhood.   What comedian doesn’t remember the thrill of her first theme song?  Years hence will she turn silently from her adoring fans – for just a moment – and let her mind race back to that thrilling first experience under the gentle hands of an older Olde Foz (and Patrick and Larry)?  Will a fragile tear course down her sweet face even as her shiny new L.A. backup band pauses and reverently permits her mind to take her back to that first-and-forever experience when the windows blew open, the drapes snapped in the breeze and the maniacal railings of faux-brass and kazoos wafted in on the warm Chicago evening air?  We can only hope so.

But time waits for no one, little Fozlings.  This Saturday evening, your new favorite country music singer, Colonel Foz, will return to Blackout Diaries with Sean Flannery.  This is episode 17 of the amazing monthly recitation of the crimes and humiliations that result from our love-love relationship with our first love, sweet sweet booze.  Who will be on the bill besides Good Old Sean and Your Pard, Colonel Foz?  Only the incredible Mikey Manker; the unbelievable Candy Lawrence; the irreproachable Anne Root; the unattainable Puterbaughz; and the incomparable Matteo Lane!  Tickets cost $10.  Get them from This Guy.  Buy early!  Stay late!  $2 Blatz!  Don’t make me explain why that’s a great deal.  Just get to The Beat Kitchen on Saturday night at about 9, and begin this month’s adventures in blackout!

See you there!  Well, not actually, we’ll all be pretty blind drunk.  $2 Blatz!

Get Blacked Out Again

You know how Foz the Hook plays at Cole’s each Wednesday night at 9:00 before the Cole’s Comedy Open Mic, hosted by Adam Burke or Rhea Butcher or the voluble Kenny Witzgall?  You know how that goes?  Well, it’s going to be like that tonight – just like any other Wednesday night.  It’s going to be totally hilarious.

In other news, this Saturday night you have a unique opportunity to get blackout drunk and wake up in the pokey!  Why?  Because Sean Flannery’s Blackout Diaries, Volume 15, returns to the Beat Kitchen!  Sean’s recruited a batch of the most debased degenerates ever to crawl into a bottle, and they’re all going to spill their guts, so to speak.  I think you’re going to see the Puterbaugh Sisterz, and I think you’re going to see James Fritz, and of course you’re going to see Colonel Foz, who returns for his second monthly engagement at this classy joint.

The Colonel came up with new material for this one, and I’m going to give you a sneak peak.  That’s what you get in exchange for reading FozBlog!

"I seen it all, friends!  Toured with everyone from Willie and Loretta to Gramm and Emmie Lou; everyone from Couger to Mellencamp.  Did blow outta Janice’s belly button, and from the adorable dimple just above Jagger’s ass.  This one time, we all went down to Montreaux …  Frank Zappa and the Mothers had the best place around…"

[Play one verse and chorus of Smoke on the Water…]

"Crazy days I seen, people.  But I tell you, of all my regrets piled up by 40 years of dissipation, the flare gun regrets are the worst.  I mean, in those days, when Frank Zappa called you a stupid piece of shit, it meant something!"

(Hat tip to Cheezeburger.com for the awesome fire pic.)

That’s the least of what you will see if you go to the Blackout Diaries on Saturday Night, July 28, at 9:30, at the Beat Kitchen.  Seating is limited so buy your tickets in advance here!

See you there.