An Awkward Conversation.

Hello, my babies.

Now, you know that your mother and I both love you very much.  And we always will!  Whatever I am about to say, just remember that we will always love you.

It’s just that sometimes things change.  Sometimes Mommies and Daddies want to see other people or gouge each others eyes out with steak knives.  Do you remember that?  Do you remember the time Mommy tried to gouge Olde Foz’s eyes out with a steak knife?  Right.

Also, sometimes Foz the Hook isn’t at the Wednesday Comedy Open Mic at Cole’s.

The important thing to remember is that we – both of us – will always love you.

No, no, no, babies!  Foz the Hook isn’t going away forever.  We’re just not going to be with you tonight.  That doesn’t mean we don’t love you.

You see, Foz has decided that there is another lady who is prettier and smarter than your mother, Cole's, and he is going to go be with her tonight.

Oh, Cole’s, she is something else!  You will really love her.  Her name is Doris Kearns Goodwin, and she writes books.  They are books for smart people, Cole’s, so you probably wouldn’t like them.

Here is a picture of your New Mom, Doris Kearns Goodwin.  You will learn to love her.  Especially, when you come to visit OIde Foz and Auntie Doris Kearns Goodwin on weekends at our condo in Malibu.  I bet your Old Mom doesn’t have a condo in Malibu.  In fact, I know she won’t, after Uncle Lawyer makes her agree to a nice, fair-for-everybody, no-fault divorce.

So, Baby Cole’s, we won’t be with you tonight, but we will be back next week, maybe.

The import thing for you to remember is that Foz the Hook will always love you, even if we’re not around.  Not like that monster, Your Mother, who probably won’t let you eat ice cream and drink PBR’s for dinner every night.