Kick Start Casino Kit!

My Dearest Fozistas!

Last night (December 19)  was Foz the Hook's annual War on Christmas Pageant at Cole's.  You loved it.  You told me so.

It was also the soft launch of Foz the Hook's first Kickstarter campaign in support of our new project with the amazing Meredith Kachel.  Your opportunity to give us money will come later during the hard launch.

What Project?

It is Foz the Hook's Ballad of Casino Kit Animated Music Video!

Did you get that, or do I need to add three exclamation points?

Foz the Hook's Ballad of Casino Kit Animated Music Video!!!! 

It is a project that we want you to help make by donating money to see a great and hilarious work of comedy created by an elite team of funny people.

These include, Your Pals, FtH.

And they feature the amazing Meredith Kachel - Artist, Comic, Ukuleleist, Rock Singer, Artist.

The Details:

The Ballad of Casino Kit is a hit single from Foz the Hook's 2011 debut album Gin-Soaked Yankee and Other Disgraces.  It is a love story about Foz's obsession with a hauntingly beautiful blue-haired lady he saw on a cruise to Alaska, and how the brief but scalding affair ended in the ship's meat locker.

Meredith Kachel, who animated an award-winning* video of the legendary Cameron Esposito, will animate our video.

We need you to help defray our costs for this worthy comedy project by donating to our Kick Starter Campaign. 

There are prizes!

All of these illustrations of our fabulous comedy band are by Meredith Kachel!

* Meredith's video of Cameron Esposito's legendary "Leave the Women to Me!" rant won the Foz the Hook Lifetime Achievement Award for Awesomeness in 2011.

All Out War!!!

Rally from the hills!

Gather on the plains!

Shouting the battle cry of shame and disgrace!

Hurrah, Boys, hurrah!

Tonight is Foz the Hook's annual War on Christmas Pageant.  Starring, Your Pals Foz the Hook.

Featuring:

Krystal Lafianza-Pitzen, from Tits and Bits!

Kristen Clifford, from Foz the Hooks War on Christmas Pageant!

Big Bill Bullock, from Notre Dame!

Meredith Kachel, from Meredith Kachel's design studio!

Jason Earl Folks, who is always in our shows!


There will be an announcement!

Then there will be comedy, which means a big surprise for you!

Be at Cole's tonight at 8:45 for Foz the Hook's War on Christmas Pageant.  You can't wait!

Look at these great designs by Meredith Kachel.  Why ever did I include them in this post?  Could that be what the announcement is all about?

Be there!

The Meaning of Christmas: Awesome Cokeheads!

As you know by now from your coolest friends, Your Pals FtH played a devastating show last Sunday night at The Green Door Speakeasy Room thanks to Muriel Montgomery and Nick Casalini, producers of the Ugly and Delicious Comedy Hour.  We were thrilled to play with and for a couple of other great standups, Thiago Lima and Nancy Fast. 

There was also a table of awesome cokeheads to make the show a properly Algrenesque experience! 

Oh, we had a great time, and Nick and Muriel are easily the best “Nick and…” partnership since Nick and Nora. 

One of the best parts of this show is the fabulous Speakeasy Room at the Green Door Tavern in River North.  Check out your pals here jamming away in front of the painted ladies and the wagon wheel.  Old Foz played here last year with the Big Sleazy show, but this was the first time we experimented with a full band.  It’s a small stage, but obviously we did it!  Much fun.

Also, remember there is more Christmas canoodling coming your way from the good folks at FozCorp.  Tonight!  Tonight at 9:00 we will be playing at Cole’s as usual but playing mostly Christmas songs.

Next Week!  Oh God!  Next week will be Foz the Hook’s annual War on Christmas Pageant!  Can you even wait?  No, you can’t!  That is why we are playing Christmas songs tonight too.

Stand by for big news about the War on Christmas Pageant!  It involves audience participation.  You like that, don’t you?

One Morning in Provence

I was lying in bed, lost in reverie, just watching the soft rays of the morning sun bath Ingrid Bergman in the golden glow of a new day (this was some time ago).  I leaned in to Ingrid’s ear and said, softly, “My Inge, are you awake?”

“Yes,” whispered Ingrid Bergman, “I was thinking about a beautiful dream I had about you, my Foz.”

I said, “I want to hear everything about it, my love, but first I have to ask you something.”

“What it, my treasure?” said Ingrid Bergman (my girlfriend, if you haven’t figured it out yet). 

“I have been thinking, pet” I murmured while laying my hand upon her side as her waist rose and fell with each breath (life is so fleeting).  “I have been thinking:  Foz the Hook has never appeared on The Ugly and Delicious Comedy Hour, with Muriel Montgomery and Nick Casalini, on Sunday nights at the Green Door Tavern.  I was going to save this for a special occasion, but they have invited us to perform on the bill on Sunday night, December 9 at 7:00 PM.  Drinks at 6:30.”

“No!” exclaimed my lover, Ingrid Bergman, as she sat bolt upright in our teak four-poster bed with the lace cover.  “No!  I never dreamed of such a thing.  Can it be?”

“Yes it can!” I said, drawing my lover who was totally Ingrid Bergman from Notorious and For Whom the Bell Tolls, but was still breathtaking in Casablanca, and even pretty hot as Joan of Arc (1948) into my arms.  “Yes, it can be, if only we make it so!”  Then I pressed my lips to hers, and with a soft sigh she fell back upon the bed as we curled into our lovers' embrace.  Me and Ingrid Bergman, I mean.

And that was how you found out that Foz the Hook is appearing on The Ugly and Delicious Comedy Hour on Sunday, December 9.  Drinks at 6:30.  Laughs at 7:00.  Then more drinks.

And ladies, if you have been dreaming about waking up in Foz’s arms some Monday morning, he is still pretty broken up over the 1982 death of his girlfriend, Ingrid Bergman.  He’s vulnerable!

Friends! I like them!

FURTHER UPDATE:  As I stated would be the case last week, the following blog post is now current and up to date.  Be at Cole's tonight at 9:00 to see FtH followed by Comics all night long!

UPDATE:  Everything that follows is true, except it will be next week, not tonight.  As you were.

Hello FozFriends!  How happy can we possibly be about all of the good fortune that comes our way?  Here are just a few of things I have to brag about today as regards Friends, Mine.

First, last night my friend sent me an e-mail that she had a job to give (her friend had a job to give actually) and could I put her in touch with my Other Friend who lives in LA now and knows how to do that job and I contacted my Other Friend and said you want a job and she said yes and I introduced my friends and my Other Friend might even have a new job as we speak!  Yay!

 

Second, My Old College Chum, who is a crusading lawyer in Deepest Darkest Dixie contacted me yesterday to say that he is in town for a few days and he will come to Cole’s tonight!  Yay, Cole’s comics!  You might have a chance to meet somebody who did something with his life tonight! (See Above).

Third, some of My Other Old Chums might make it out to Cole’s tonight too.  It will be a complete festival of People Who Accomplished Something, and me too!

Fourth, do not despair.  Your Pals Foz the Hook are, themselves, THIS close to accomplishing something with their lives, and that something is Foz the Hook’s Annual War on Christmas Pageant.  This yearly celebration of shame and disgrace is scheduled for Wednesday night, December 19, at 8:45 at Cole’s.  There is more than one reason why you have to be there.  It’s not just us.  This will be big – very big.

Wait for it!

See you at Cole’s tonight at 9:00 for Foz the Hook, followed by Cole’s Always Awesome Open Mic, hosted by KennyandSoniaandAdam!

Go!

Thanks!

We have so many things to be thankful for this year.  When Your Pals FtH look back on the year past, and think about all of the talented and funny haha people who played with us, we are just bursting with thanks.  We are also thankful for some of the fine talent we already have lined up for our annual Foz the Hook’s War on Christmas Pageant.  Those hilarious comics and singers and what have you include, but are not necessarily limited to Kristen Clifford, Krystal Lafianza Pitzen, Bill Bullock, Rachel Ortiz, and Meredith Kachel.

We are all thankful that Leah Raffanti agreed to marry Patrick Stonehouse, and then actually did.  Everybody has been rather giddy over that the past week, and again everyone here at FozBlog sends our congratulations out to the happy couple. 

Also, Your Old Pal Foz is thankful for all sorts of things today.  Reflection does that, you know.  Once you start thinking of all the great good fortunes in your daily life, you naturally think back to all of the things you have to be thankful for in the past.

I am thankful for my good ole Mom and Dad, and my sibs. 

I am thankful for that first time FozBro threw a football at my groin, and taught me the true meaning of comic timing.

I am thankful for that exposed rebar and crushed concrete slab that broke my fall when I was 11, and my bike was careening uncontrollably down that cliff by the construction site.  What might have happened if I had missed it and plunged into that soft pile of sand at the bottom of the hill?  I shudder to think.

I am thankful for all the young ladies on the high school cheerleading squad who taught a featherweight, chicken-legged, piano player the true meaning of shame and disgrace.

I am thankful for that nasty bottle of Peppermint Schnapps that was passed my way in the backyard of the freshman house party. 

I am thankful to GrandpaFoz for taking me to those East Sunset Boulevard crushed velvet dives, and for trying to buy me all of his favorite middle aged hookers.  Most young men just read Charles Bukowski stories!

I am thankful for condoms.

And I am thankful that today is Wednesday, which means that tonight is Cole’s Thanksgiving Turkey Coma Open Mic, starring Sweet Sonia Denis and Mad Adam Burke and Angry Uncle Kenny Witzgall!   It’s the most thankful open mic in town, so get there by 8:30 to See Foz the Hook’s 9:00 set!  The Thanksgiving funny business starts at 9:30.

Meet Cute Tonight at Cole's

Oh, my cuties!

What a beautiful day it is!  It is a day for love and for romance.  A day when there is magic in the air.  A day when that very special thing might just happen for you. 

You might meet him walking down the street. 

You might jump out of a cab and run right into her.  Sure, she’ll be all aggravated at first.  She’s a professional gal that doesn’t have time for you, but tonight she will sip margaritas with her sassy urban-looking friend and complain that there are no good men out there.  Then she will find the presentation thumb drive you accidentally dropped into her hand bag when you were fighting over the cab, and she will call you in an effort to give it back, but she can only meet you as you are going in to the Manhattan high rise to make your presentation to the White Man with the urban-looking assistant.   Then you will spill coffee on the White Man and he’ll get really mad, but at the last minute it will turn out that your meet cute girl is his Incorrigible Daughter, and you get the contract, and she will be your new Quirky Girlfriend. 

Later, after the credits roll, you will sleep with her urban-looking girlfriend, but you will then find out she has been sleeping with David Patraeus.  Isn’t life a free-spirited goofy romp?  Ah, amore!

If hilarious romantic hijinks are your thing, come to Cole’s tonight at 9:00, as Your Pals in Foz the Hook present:

Leah and Patrick’s Pre-Wedding Cole’s Open Mic Concert!

Featuring:  Your Pals, Foz the Hook!

And

Nobody Else!

Be there at 8:30 for a 9:00-ish show, followed by Cole’s Meet Cute Open Mic.

It will be the closest you get to having a big, crazy, Hollywood wedding with Leah and Patrick! 

Bring the birth control of your choice.  This is your big opportunity to make a terrible, terrible mistake!  Foz will be there to enable the whole, disgraceful thing.

Congratulations, kids!  It couldn’t have happened to nicer people!

Revenge of the Morose Zombie Brain

My MOROSE BRAIN has been giving me trouble for the past day or so.  Actually, I think it dates back to late last week, when a very important record I had going came to an end, while another continued right on.  Both records represent personal worsts, and if the results had been opposite for each, I would not now be wrestling with Morose Brain.  Nevertheless, my brain doesn’t much care for any of you right now, although you still have my undying affections.  Let’s meet tomorrow night at Cole’s and we will all sing the good songs and get roaring happy.

For now, I will re-post one of the better nights my brain gave me within the last year, just so you know my Regular Brain is still in there.  That’s right, what follows is a product of my regular brain.  Want to learn more, ladies?  Be at Cole’s tomorrow night at 9:00!

"So last night I had a great Dawn of the Dead dream.

It started with the Zombie Apocalypse, at night, on the manicured front lawns of a suburban neighborhood.  I wasn’t one of the Zombies, which is unusual for my dreams.  Usually, whether it’s a vampire dream or a ghost dream, or whatever, I am the thing it is about.  Revealing, huh?

Anyway, this time it was Zombie Apocalypse, and I was one of the live ones who were running away.  I was trying my best to remember everything I learned about surviving the Zombie Apocalypse from Dawn of the Dead.  I would probably have done better if I tried to remember the lessons from Zombieland.  They were more useful.  But I belong to certain generation, and our Zombies were slow and went to the mall.

We ran across these suburban lawns, fleeing the Zombies in the dark, and dodged into this super modern house.  We wanted to hide from the Zombies, but the house was so modern that it had floor to ceiling windows in every room.  Even when we went to the basement there was a sliding glass door that looked out onto the back yard.  So the Zombies were all pounding on the windows and breaking through.  We had to make a run for it.

An Old Lady Zombie almost caught me, but I got away.  Revealing, huh!?!?

Then it was morning, and me and This Other Guy got on mountain bikes and went out exploring.  In MY dreams Zombies only feed at night.  They were Vampire Zombies!  Me and This Other Guy went down to the old high school parking lot and rode the mountain bikes around.  There was a long set of stairs and we rode down them.  It was really fun, and My Brain really ratcheted up the whole dream-falling sensation for max effect.  It was pretty awesome.

Then My Brain decided to return to the Zombie theme.

We were all in the kitchen, cooking spaghetti sauce (not surprising because I made some exquisite red sauce for supper last night.  Ate it over Gnocchi with a tasty Chardonnay that FozSis sent me.  That’s right, you arrogant pigs!  I drank Chardonnay with red sauce.  Just try and stop me!). 

Well, we were cooking and the Old Lady Zombie was starting to get really affectionate with me.  She wanted to sniff my arm.  That didn’t seem right to me on a couple of levels.  But then there was this fastidious Jerko Guy (like Dr. Smith on Lost in Space) who was all “Oh, you have to let the Zombie smell your arm because you have to respect your elders.”  I said “Listen, Jerko.  You’re the one who let the Zombie in the kitchen.”  And then I listed a couple of other things about him that I didn’t like.

Then I did this:

I said, “Hey, Bob, shoot this guy,” and Bob took out a gun and shot the guy in the head.  There were pretty good special effects on that one, I’m telling you.  Then Bob turned back to the red sauce and kept stirring.  You have to do that or it burns.  Revealing, huh!?!?

Then I had a moral conundrum.  Why did I order Bob to kill the live guy, and leave the Old Lady Zombie upright?

1. Do Zombies outrank fastidious assholes?

2. Do I really respect my elders?

3. Am I so starved for affection that even Old Lady Zombies seem pretty hot, provided they show some interest?

Only one of these statements is true, and I think you know which one it is.

Finally, go to Cole’s.  I need to know what you think of me."