A Christmas Massacre

Every year Your Pals at FtH conduct a Christmas Pageant in cooperation with Cole’s Bar.  That amazing spectacle will be occurring tonight at 9:00!

This is where we conduct our annual War on Christmas.  Like any good war, our War on Christmas includes a massacre.  In this case, it is the Massacre of the Snow People by the bloodthirsty war criminal known as “Tootie.”  The truth of the massacre, which seems to have occurred at the Battle of St. Louis in 1944, has long been suppressed by the Government, but rare footage of it appears at the 4:30 point in this newly discovered video footage.

An investigation by the International Criminal Court in The Hague found that Tootie decapitated the Snow People because, “Not everybody's going to New York. I'd rather kill them if we can't take them with us."  The grave judges had never heard a more blood chilling explication of mayhem that the cold-eyed “reasoning” of the gassy monster, Tootie.

Tonight we continue our War on Christmas with the help of Andy Oloffson on bass, Ian Capilouto on harp, Jason Earl Folks on Reindeer, and the lovely Duchess of Despair, Krystal Lafianza Pitzen!  After we reenact the Massacre of the Snow People, we will bring You up on stage for Grinch Karaoke – a Cole’s fave!

Be at Cole’s tonight by 8:45 for the 9:00 performance of Foz the Hook’s Christmas Pageant!