So What is a Band Anyway?

Sit down and put on your smoking jackets, gents. Perhaps the ladies wish to mix themselves drinks and join us in the lounge for a philosophical discussion on the nature of music theory and practice.

Now, we all know that Foz the Hook's Monthly Freakshowcase scheduled for Labor Day will be so mind-blowingly amusing that the possibility of the audience ending the evening in chastity is just not realistic. Let's face it people, we're all going to get laid. It's in the cards.

What I wish to discuss is the nature of the act that will fill the B-slot on the program. I speak, of course, about Matt Slater and his insertion (see above paragraph) in the evening as a band. We all know that Matt is by nature a comic. He doesn't sing, play an instrument, or spin discs - as far as we know - so how is it that Matt shows up to the gig as a band?

Part of it has to do with the fact that Your Pals in FtH are backing up Matt's act with some music. Patrick, especially, is providing a pounding driving percussive intensity (See Paragraph 2) to Matt's mighty package of jokes. But that's a small part of the deal. Time, of course, is a major element of music, and timing is a major element in comedy. The two concepts are closely related. Old Foz argues that they are the same. There isn't much difference in the sensitivity to time, to silence, and to emotion required of a good musician and a good comic.

To paraphrase Clausewitz "Comedy is music by other means." Matt has a feel for this, and I wager that when he mocks Jamaicans or makes sexual advances upon your mother (spoiler alert!), you will find it all the more amusing for being accompanied by FtH.

So, make plans to join us on Labor Day Night for the debut of Matt Slater's Amazingly Amusing Music Comedy Set. You will also watch Mo Welch rock your world with her fab stand up set. And, of course, Your Sexual Surrogates, Foz the Hook, will rock your evening home with Drunk Astronauts, Gin-Soaked Yankees, Nasty Snowmen, and other cheerful songs about Shame and Disgrace.

Wear clean undies and bring protection, because there will be happy endings for everybody.

Now, let us mix another round and discuss Euclid and Dildos.

A Major Re-Tooling!

First, a big hat tip to Caitlin Brice of The Splendid Ape for another great video referral.

Now, my darlings, a word or two about the (donkey) jaw-dropping show you saw at Cole's last night. We promised you much, and we delivered. Didn't we? Sure, we all missed Leon "Tigerfish" Strokes and his big-ass bass parts - Old Leon was debuting his other new band "Super Fortress" over at Quenchers - but Miss Maria Wojciechowski jumped right in with her tenor ukulele and angel harmonies, and Your Pals managed to burn down the room anyway.



I mean, "wow!" Is that what you're thinking too? I believe it is. Wow! That was really great. And Patrick's percussion parts on washboard and donkey jaw provided the perfect backup to the uke-duo of Foz and Maria Wojciechowski.

So this morning I announce a major re-tooling of the band. No, Maria Wojciechowski is not replacing Old Foz (that was just a sweet dream you had). She is off to create her own amazing act which will be featured on the November Freakshowcase. The major re-tooling is that FtH is going to change to an 80's Post-ABBA Finnish pop band format. Check out our first video above. Let me know what you think as long as you think it's awesome.

Thanks again Caitlin, for the inspiration.

And everybody else, give it up for Maria Wojciechowski who helped FtH blow-up Cole's last night. We should do that again sometime because it was fun.

Tonight! Uke-Mania at Cole's!!!

It's tonight, my lovelies! Tonight is the big Foz the Hook Alternative to a bass player gig at Cole's Comedy Open Mic!

Maria Wojciechowski! joined Patrick and Foz last night to work up a brain-frying set of ukulele grind. Trust Your Old Pal. This one will make you hoot like an owl - a VERY amused owl.

So join Your Buddies from FtH (-1) and add Maria Wojciechowski! tonight at 8:45 or 9:00 depending on The List.

It's Cole's Comedy Open Mic. The funniest thing going on Wednesday night. So come on out why don't you?

Love,

Foz

Guess Who is our Guest?

It's a swell ukulele player who is developing quite a following with the young people these days. Many of the the old blue-haired dowagers are gasping in horror at this artist's hot moves and scalding uke-riffs. And the ladies go wild.

Yes, my superbabies, tomorrow night at Cole's Foz the Hook Minus Leon-Who-Has-To-Play-Another-Show welcomes that great American phenom, [Fanfare]

Maria Wojciechowski!

Do NOT be alarmed that Maria's StarMeter is down 44%. Anybody can run afoul of Perez Hilton. Dimmer stars have recovered from worse. Anyway, if you haven't seen The Saints of Mt. Christopher Maria plays Cute Girl. And Your Buddies FtH are going to show you why!

Maria will join Foz and Patrick tomorrow for a special Uku-centric show at Cole's Comedy Open Mic. There will be more on that later, but if you like any of the following:

Maria Wojciechowski! - Foz - Patrick - FtH - Elvis - Ukuleles - donkey jaws - washboards - America - Cameron - Adam - Comedy - etc...

you will want to be at Cole's tomorrow night!

PS: Elvis is opening. He begged us. It was actually pretty sad.

Return of the Nasty Snowman!

Hat tip to Badders.com , a badminton site for this amazing photo of Osama the Nasty Snowman. This is exactly what Old Foz was thinking about when he wrote that tune.

Do you feel a breeze? Is that a snow storm coming? The temperature in Chicago went below 80 degrees yesterday, and it might not make it to 80 today. Or it might make it to 90.

But we know that winter is just around the corner, and that is why Your Pals in Foz the Hook have worked up a Winter Wonderland suite for you. Come and hear the special set we worked up just for you tonight at Cole's. It will include romantic winter songs like Nasty Snowman and Downhome Chistmastime - songs you haven't heard since you were drinking to forget the cold weather. Now you can cool off to them while you drink to forget the hot weather.

Thank you, weather! We like booze, and you give us all sorts of reasons to drink.

Last week we got a special request for Sex For Christmas. But why wait for Christmas for sex? FtH says why not get some Christmas cookies right now?

What Your Buddy Foz is saying is that tonight will be yet another unforgettably wonderful Wednesday night at Cole's Comedy Open Mic. Adam Burke is back in town, and we expect to see him tearing up the joint. Cameron Esposito usually hosts, but this Esposito-Burke pair is all about teamwork. Who knows what surprises await.

Come cool off at Cole's tonight at about 8:30, snow kittens. Foz the Hook changes your life at 8:45 or 9:00 (depending on The List), and the comics get under your skin at 9:15 or 9:30.

Seriously, you're going to love FtH's funny snow set tonight.

I'm Not Blaming You

I'm just saying that these things happen, and it's ok. I know. You went to Cole's last week with the best intentions. You were going to be good. You were going to have one PBR (maybe two), do your thing if you're a comic, and go to bed early.

And then they started buying you drinks. And Travis Bartender is so dashing with that baritone voice of his - "want another?"

"Sure," you said. I've got time.

And then you started in on the Martinis - Vodka Martinis. You knew it was wrong, but everybody was laughing and having such a good time and s/he kept looking your way and smiling and you started to talk with this woman-or-man (because FtH doesn't assume), and you wanted to celebrate the surprise ruling on the Prop 8 thing, even though it doesn't apply to you (because you'll probably never get married at all), and then it all just went fuzzy.

The next thing you remember was the walk of shame through the glaring light of a 90 degree Chicago day, with everybody you saw on the street just staring and judging you - you presumed.

The only advice Your Old Pal Foz has is maybe you don't want to put that on Facebook. Grandma doesn't need to know that. We'll keep it between us.

But now the question before you: do you try it again? Do you risk another disgrace because you know can't control yourself when Cameron Esposito and the comics at Cole's start rattling the rafters? You know you can't make good judgments once Foz the Hook gets your blood up. Do you risk another personal disaster? Twice in two weeks?

OF COURSE YOU DO!!!! It's Wednesday, and that means tonight you will be at Cole's with the contents of your change jar in your pocket laughing your scalp off with the best comics in town! Will Mo Welch be there again? James Fritz? Ryan Walker? Matt Slater? We hope and think so. What we know for sure is that Your Private Confidants, FtH, will be there to wind you up, enable you to make bad decisions, and not judge you about it.

That's Cole's, tonight at 8:45 or 9:00 depending on the list. Be there by 8:30. It goes all night, or until you wake up in a strange apartment. We don't judge.

I'm Not Blaming

Watch out for the Cross Post!

Listen Fozophiles, Your Old Buddy Foz is back from Kansas City, where he teamed up with his Old Chums in Bobby and the Chuxx for a weekend recording session. All went swimmingly, so I will simply let you read all about it over at ChuxxBlog.

In the meantime, here is a new sexy photo of your Huge Crush, Foz and his wingmen, Patrick and Leon from the never ending collection of awesome publicity pics by Erin Nekervis.

See you tomorrow night at Cole's, ladies.

Foz's Morning After Pill

Hey baby. Baby. Baby!

You're laying on Foz's arm, sweetie. No no. It's ok. Let me just... There we go. No, beautiful, you just go on back to sleep. It's all ok.

You're in my apartment.

Foz.

Foz.

Yeh, from that band you saw last night. The guy in the suit. Yeh. Man! That was a great show, don't you think? Cameron Esposito was her usual fantastic self. The Band of a Thousand Names is a great act. I hadn't seen them before. You were really rockin it out. Weren't you?

No! You wanted to. I mean, you had a few drinks, but there weren't any roofies involved or anything.

Foz.

I'll make you some eggs or something.

Oh. Ok. Yes sure, well then....

I think they're on the kitchen floor. That's where it started.

Sure you don't want any...?

Hey! let's exchange numbers. I'll call you and we'll...

Oh. Ok. Well, you know we play tomorrow night at Cole's Comedy Open Mic. Cameron Esposito hosts, and great comics like Adam Burke and James Fritz and Mo Welch are always there. Starts at 9. Come on out and I'll buy you a....

Oh. Yeh, that makes sense. Great town, Seattle. Everyone needs a change of scenery. I get out there sometimes. Maybe I'll drop you a...

Oh yeh. Ok.

Well.

Bye.