Christmas in May

It is important for any artist to keep well-worn material fresh and new. Last night Your Old Buddy Foz and Patrick and Leon rolled out a holiday favorite for the comics and the drunks at Cole's, Sex For Christmas. You will remember Sex For Christmas as a favorite last December during Cole's Great Naked Christmas Party. It got a good reaction in May too, although, as you can see by the accompanying photo, Foz is not naked. Or rather, he is not naked per se. He is naked in his soul, as you can see here, as he croons:

Oooooh, sex for Christmas,
Oooooh, under the tree,
Oooooh, sex for Christmas,
Sex for Christmas, that's for me!
(Lyrics by Jeff Drake, circa 1984)

(Music too)

Thanks to Jeff Hopkins for posting some digital evidence of last night's craziness. The boys played some kind of crazy set, including the debut of I'm Gonna Be Sick (Granny Granny), a fine rendition of Broken Bicycles featuring Leon comping on bass,(that's right, we play sad songs too, sometimes) and the (as usual) rip roaring With Drunk Astronauts.

And then Adam Burke came along and the comics got down to business.

See you at Cole's next week.

Class of Ninety-Hmmmm

Hey Brothers,

It looks like your old pal Foz is going to have two fantastic evenings in a row. Last night I got together with the pictured pack of Kansas Jayhawkers, Theater Department, Class of 199hmmmm. We sat outside, we drank drinky drinks in Old Town, and we adjourned to the Second City to see some sketch comedy. It was the kind of evening that people who don't live in Chicago think that people who live in Chicago do all the time. For a lot of reasons we don't, but we probably should. The pictured critters, all as enormously talented in other-than-traditional-theater professions as they were as acting students, are identified, from left to right as, Ramona Curtis, Your Pal in his Bjorn Skaptason disguise, Jeff Hopkins, and Jeff Sherr.

Which brings us to my next fantastic evening. Tonight You are going to meet Your Buddy Foz, and Patrick, and Old Leon "Tiger Shark" Strokes at Cole's for your weekly dose of madness. I think Cameron Esposito will host tonight, but if she doesn't somebody will write some music for whoever does. I think we are doing some amazing new material, but I can't remember what it is right now.

Since we haven't covered the details in a while, here they are: You will come to Cole's between 8 - 9 tonight. Cole's is at 2338 N. Milwaukee Ave., in Logan Square. This is just west of Milwaukee and California. If you are a comic, show up early for sign up. If you are not a comic, show up early for $2 PBR's with Travis the Bartender. If you are Patrick or Leon show up early enough to warm up with at least two pre-show drinks each. Buy a couple for yourselves too.

What a night it will be!

A Great Boat Trip!

I have been pondering the cultural importance of tonight's last episode of "Lost," and wondering about all of those poor people who have wasted their lives waiting for this moment. Take it from your buddy, Foz. You could have been drunk all this time.

But I must come out to all of you. I have never seen an episode of Lost. Tonight will not be a good night to start. I mean, what if I like it?

But since everyone else is crazy with worry about the potential endings - and if you were a fan of Battlestar Galactica you should be - I will join the speculation. After all I can offer the unique perspective of somebody who knows absolutely nothing about what he is talking about. Who could be more qualified?

First Alternate ending: Everybody wakes up in their seats on the plane. They all dreamed it. They all dreamed the same dream at the same time. The plane lands safely. Your head explodes.

2: The Smoke Monster hits Gilligan with a hat.

3: Bob Denver wakes up in his coffin and and realizes that it's all been a dream (and that he's been buried alive since 2005).

4: Russell Johnson and Dawn Wells drive up in their bamboo peddle car. They give everybody a ride home.

5: They find the S. S. Minnow, and repair it. They sail home to 1964.

6. Wilson Sporting Goods withdraws their product placement, resulting in an unexplained change of a principal character's name to "Rawlings."

7: Everybody stops acting and sings the Gilligan's Island theme song, ending it with a hearty, "Fuck You!"

8: Tina Louise finally sleeps with you. You are not at all disappointed.

Don't forget to leave your own alternate endings in the comments section.

PS: Foz the Hook plays next Wednesday night at 9:00 at Cole's like we always do. If you make it, we might play "I'm gonna Be Sick (Granny Granny)." More on that later.

We Could Totally Do This

But we're too authentic!

As you all know Foz the Hook has led the Kids Rebellion ever since Roger Daltry got fooled again back in '79. And if The Who can get off their respirators and acquire some good new ear horns they might lead a new uprising. If so, we'll be there to wheel them on stage.

But to get to the point, most people know that pop music is basically the same three or four chords played over again with new (or not really new) lyrics. We get it. Foz the Hook is no different. For instance, we know that Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China, Pt. 2 (6 chords give-or-take) would be pointless if we didn't steel Lalo Schifrin's fab Mission Impossible theme. We know that With Drunk Astronauts (6 chords I think) is just Debussy's Clair de Lune with a hemorrhoid. We know that Theme of the Guys From France (No chords that anybody can recognize) is really just Love Hurts on Crystal Meth. Gin-Soaked Yankee (15 chords) is the only song quite like its self, except maybe Raymond Scott's Powerhouse. But someone had to say it.

A big hat tip to Jeff Drake for pointing out this hilarious comedy band, Axis of Awesome, from Down Under. Enjoy it, and then come to Cole's tomorrow night and we will play many funny songs together. We play at 9:00. Cameron Esposito and the comics are on at 9:30.

More Mustardy

FozFans,

You wanted an update on the progress of Foz's "other thing," the upcoming release of the long-awaited 19th album by Bobby and the Chuxx, Mustardy. Well, look forward to some final tracks going down in Kansas this June. Today I listened to a number of almost-done tunes, such as Spirit of 17, Keep That Sun in Your Eyes, Shower Power, and the Chuxx version of the Foz the Hook fave, Cheese Jesus. It's going to be pretty sweet, or rather, it's going to be pretty mustardy. I'll keep you updated.

But tonight! Join FtH at Cole's for your weekly tea-bagging, as a room full of angry comics sputters rage all over your face.

By that, I just mean it's funny - nothing dirty (but do bring a hankie).

FtH opens the evening with our "Ungodly" set at 9:00, followed by Cameron Esposito or her proxy at 9:30. You're on after that, comics, so don't let me down.

It'll be mustardy.

Hat tip to Giddy Gastronome for the picture of a mustardy Creamy Mash Potato Crumble.

The Headliner is Back Tonight!

Stop the presses! It turns out that Dewey did not defeat Truman in 1948, and that Harry S. Truman was actually president of the United States. But you would never know that if it was up to those liberal media elites.

I'm so angry! Do you hear me? Angry!! ANGRY!!! Don't make me use four exclamation points because I'm a patriot who loves America, and who knows what I'm capable of!!!!

Oh, by the way, Foz the Hook plays tonight at Cole's at 9:00. Tonight is our monthly headliner, where we play everything we know and most of what we don't know. Bring extra beer money because you will need it in the second set. We will too.

OK now, ladies. If you were hoping to become FozSluts tonight is your big chance. I don't have to get up tomorrow.