Pistol Whipped!

Larry’s Sick!

Oh, No!  Our bass player is out tonight.  Down with a nasty bug.

Are we discouraged?  No!  Are we downhearted?  No!  Are we still  sober?  Not for long!

Krystal at the Wedding of Beyonce and Jay Z.
Pic by Arthur from One Bedroom Studio.

The great news is that we have found someone to fill in for Larry.  She doesn’t play bass, but she sings like a bird, and is drop-dead hilarious. 

Meet our old friend, the Feminafozista, Krystal "The Pistol"  LaFianza Pitzen!  Krystal is a veteran of many fantastic Foz the Hook pageants of yore.  She is also a terrific comic, cabaret singer, and co-producer of the legendary drinking show, The Blackout Diaries.  Come out to Cole’s Bar tonight and help Krystal help you!

Also, help FtH help Krystal and help her help us.  We all need help.  We need help badly.

FtH will not be playing next week, so this is your last chance to see Your Favorite Band before Thanksgiving (with the exception of the show on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, which is before Thanksgiving)!

Poor, Larry!  Send him kisses, Cole’s.  Send him wet, gross kisses that will land all of us in a sick bed.  At least we’ll be together.

Come to Cole’s tonight!  FtH plays with Krystal LaFianza Pitzen at 9:00, and the comics complain about the weather at 9:30.

Laughingstock Killed

Well, it has been two days since the Laughingstock Riot, which was one of the most riotous times in the history of this week.  We promised you that the show would be fantastic, didn’t we?  And it was.  Thousands laughed!  FtH played the Double Door!  Also, Drummer Patrick Stonehouse played the Double Door for the third time with three different bands.  That's historic too!  If you are counting, Jagger has only played the Double Door with one band, like Foz.

FtH Followed Krystal the Pistol!

It goes without saying that Your Old Pals, Foz the Hook provided the requested tight and rockin’ set, so let’s just assume that all that was as expected.  What was particularly awesome, though, was the fantastic house gear (drums, and especially keyboard), that sounded brilliant and eliminated all the load-in and load-out headaches.  Thank you, Jeff Strickland of Nashville, for the use of that hot 88-key baby. 

There were too many amazing acts to list more than a few, so I will only describe the ones I took pictures of, since for some reason, I thought they were important.

FtH followed Krystal "The pistol" LaFianza Pitzen to the stage, after she delivered one of her better flooz-fest performances.  Look for this lady on FtH bills for a long time.

Abbaria Accusation!

I thought Abbaria would be good because of Maria Wojciechowski, a long time friend of this blog, but here is a picture of them slaughtering the downstairs room, as Maria plays toy xylophone and Abby Vatterott points accusingly at me.  Maria’s one-woman show, Almost a Genius, debuts at the The Playground Theater on September 3, so you should go to that.

Paul Thomas

Paul Thomas is a large man with a spine-cracking voice – a pillar of our previously mentioned friends Lola Balatro.  Here is Paul headlining the downstairs room.  Few people can really fill up a room as a solo acoustic act.  Few acoustic acts can headline a seven-hour, two-stage music festival.  Paul did.

Oh, and then there was my immediate and unstoppable new stage crush, my new world favorite (caped) performer, New York’s Killy Mockstar Dwyer.  Imagine a show where… no wait…  What if you crossed Laurie Anderson with… No, that’s no good either…  If Sinead O’Connor were less sad and less bald and less Irish… What if Lady Gaga was actually a feminist?… No, that isn’t going to get us anywhere.  Imagine a performer who looked like the woman in this picture, and who played songs like those on this album, including, but not limited to, a song called God Wants You to Cum.  Yeh, you would have a stage crush too.

Killy Mockstar Dwyer

Hooray for Laughingstock!  It was huge fun this year.  I can’t wait until next year.  Also, I hope that all sorts of music and comedy acts that didn’t know each other before get together and do amazing shows this year. 

Tomorrows!

Hello, Ms. Truehearts!

It is only one day – less than one day – until I will see you all at Laughingstock: The Chicago Comedy Music Festival.  We have a had a good time learning about all the acts involved, and in meeting new friends, Sad Banana.

If it had not been for Laughingstock, Your Old Pal Foz would still be walking around not knowing that there is a word for a tear-stained tug job.  And I play country music sometimes!

That its self is worth it.

Here is the show list (Left)!  We play at 4:10, but you will be there when the show starts at 3:00, because you wouldn’t dream of missing that malicious badass, Krystal LaFianza Pitzen!

And then you will still be there at 9:30 to have seen Abbaria!  Then you will close the show because you will be drunk with self-esteem problems by then.  That's when Foz makes his move!  (Awesome Meredith Kachel Thing Right).

Buy your tickets from this guy! 

Do it now!

Thanks!

We have so many things to be thankful for this year.  When Your Pals FtH look back on the year past, and think about all of the talented and funny haha people who played with us, we are just bursting with thanks.  We are also thankful for some of the fine talent we already have lined up for our annual Foz the Hook’s War on Christmas Pageant.  Those hilarious comics and singers and what have you include, but are not necessarily limited to Kristen Clifford, Krystal Lafianza Pitzen, Bill Bullock, Rachel Ortiz, and Meredith Kachel.

We are all thankful that Leah Raffanti agreed to marry Patrick Stonehouse, and then actually did.  Everybody has been rather giddy over that the past week, and again everyone here at FozBlog sends our congratulations out to the happy couple. 

Also, Your Old Pal Foz is thankful for all sorts of things today.  Reflection does that, you know.  Once you start thinking of all the great good fortunes in your daily life, you naturally think back to all of the things you have to be thankful for in the past.

I am thankful for my good ole Mom and Dad, and my sibs. 

I am thankful for that first time FozBro threw a football at my groin, and taught me the true meaning of comic timing.

I am thankful for that exposed rebar and crushed concrete slab that broke my fall when I was 11, and my bike was careening uncontrollably down that cliff by the construction site.  What might have happened if I had missed it and plunged into that soft pile of sand at the bottom of the hill?  I shudder to think.

I am thankful for all the young ladies on the high school cheerleading squad who taught a featherweight, chicken-legged, piano player the true meaning of shame and disgrace.

I am thankful for that nasty bottle of Peppermint Schnapps that was passed my way in the backyard of the freshman house party. 

I am thankful to GrandpaFoz for taking me to those East Sunset Boulevard crushed velvet dives, and for trying to buy me all of his favorite middle aged hookers.  Most young men just read Charles Bukowski stories!

I am thankful for condoms.

And I am thankful that today is Wednesday, which means that tonight is Cole’s Thanksgiving Turkey Coma Open Mic, starring Sweet Sonia Denis and Mad Adam Burke and Angry Uncle Kenny Witzgall!   It’s the most thankful open mic in town, so get there by 8:30 to See Foz the Hook’s 9:00 set!  The Thanksgiving funny business starts at 9:30.

The Heroes of Summer

Soon the summer Olympics will be drawing to a close.  It is time for us to recognize some of the great and talented people who have made these games an affair to remember.

Remember all those gold medals in swimming?

Remember when Robocop won the right to sprint with all the human athletes?

Remember when that one kid wouldn't fix her pony tail, and in spite of all the gentle - and totally appropriate - reminders to fix her pony tail she didn't fix her pony tail?  I think she had her gold medal taken away, didn't she?  I don't know for sure.  I've been pretty drunk these past two weeks, but when I hear tell of an innocent little kid who won't fix her pony tail and they take away her gold medal and send her to RUSSIA I get pretty mad.  And when I get pretty mad I drink even more.

Do you remember when Foz the Hook hosted Foz the Hook's Summer Games at Cole's last Wednesday night?  Do you remember that?  It was awesome, and even more American heroes were born.

Jason Earl Folks won the Gold Medal in the Haggis Toss.  Rachel Ortiz led the American squad onto the field astride a dressage unicorn while bagpiping The Haggis March by Robert Burns.  Krystal LaFianza-Pitzen achieved the world record for the fastest rendition of Cole Porter's It's Too Darn Hot played by a band that is playing twice as slow as they are supposed to.  Maria Wojciechowski sang Gershwin's Summertime so beautifully that she received a marriage proposal from North Korean strongman Kim Jong Un (and he's a newlywed himself)!  Do you remember when the Kates-Caits sang Chris Isaak's Wicked Games so beautifully that we all had to stop and have a good cry?

Do you remember Meredith Kachel's magnificent poster that she made just for the event?  Probably not.  Due to technical problems in transmission this is the first time I am showing it to you.

It is so beautiful, I had to sit down and have a good old cry.

Thank you, Meredith!  Even though the poster wasn't part of the actual show we are all thrilled and proud to have it.  All of the cast members will get their own copy (even Kate from the Caits, who didn't quite fit in.)

If there is anybody who wants amazing drawings made by a funny lady who is Old Foz's good pal, contact Meredith Kachel.

We shall work together again sooner than you think.